Harry Potter and the Rewrite of Azkaban

Chapter 3

"Ron, this isn't normal! You need to go to Madam Pomfrey!"
"No, it'll go away, I'm fine," Ron said, as he puked once again. He most certainly was not fine.
"Listen, you've been facing that toilet for hours. It must have been something you've eaten. Madam Pomfrey can help you, I promise. Now what did you eat?" Ron thought back a bit, remembering that morning when he'd walked into the Great Hall and seemed surprisingly popular for once. Another Gryffindor, Ju-long Huang, had even given him a Mars Bar. Shit. That had to have been why. Ju-long had to have hexed the Mars Bar somehow. Ron heaved again, and groaned. Hermione went to get Madam Pomfrey anyway. Harry sank down to Ron's level, looking at him with concern. Looking at him, how he was crouched, sweating, face red, Harry had an idea.

"Rigenti," he said, pointing it at Ron. Immediately the redness and sweating alleviated, like the tide going out.

"Thanks, mate," Ron muttered, shoving his head in the toilet again. Hermione returned with Madam Pomfrey on her arm, having already explained the situation. Madam Pomfrey had two buckets under her arm, and, giving one to the sick boy, she guided him to the Hospital Wing, Harry and Hermione following closely.

The footsteps echoed around the hallway, and the sounds of Ron's retching followed suit. Soon, everyone knew what was happening, and whispers were bouncing up and down the corridor, voices flying, questions passing between them. Some didn't care, some were scared, some were genuinely concerned and followed after, making an entourage, putting voice to their questions.

Ron was put in the main ward.

~~~

Ju-long rushed to find the group he called the new Marauders. His footsteps echoed, his heartbeat throbbed in his ears, the adrenaline kicking in. Huh, there was only one of the twins. Whatever. Alone was better, he could hit home for someone much quicker.

"Oi, Weasley! I guess your poor little brother is sick! Look at him, as sick on the outside as he is on the inside! I guess now he knows where he belongs, in the toilet. Like that other kid you hang around, what's his name? Jordan?" Ju-long looked down to see the guy's wand out, pointing at him. He laughed. "What, should I be scared? Gonna hex me, are you?"

"Do it, George," said the twin next to him - wait, what? Since when did Fred get there? He had his wand pointed at Ju-long as well - Shit. George started to walk towards him, and Fred raised his wand. Ju-long started panicking and turned around, just to see the other two Marauders, Wren and Lee, had snuck up on him.

"Might want to check who can hear you before you start hurting my brother and insulting my best friend like that," George said from behind him. "Apis."

"Locomotor Wibbly." Fred.

"Calvorio." Lee.

"Stupefy." Cloud.

"Mucus ad Nauseam" hissed the collective whisper.

That should teach him. The group put their wands away, and brought Ju-long to the Hospital Wing, already scheming a believable lie ("He attacked us first" - "No, he tried to steal from us" - "Could've tried to copy our homework.") to tell Madam Pomfrey. The corridor seemed empty, so they were certain nobody saw them. Seemed empty.

Swish.

They knew everything.

~~~

Ron and Ju-long were still in the Hospital Wing by tea the next day, and rumours were flying, some saying that it was Draco, others saying that they were in a duel, and some even speculating that it was Neville Longbottom. What they didn't notice, however, was that the Creme Eggs spread out over the table had little cracks, or that some juice was leaking out of some of them. Everyone was eating happily, until a loud trumpet like an elephant is heard. A laugh spreads across the hall, until eruptions of barks, meows, howls, and roars start, and soon, most people found themselves emulating the sound of a wild animal, and, suddenly, Dumbledore got hit with a fish finger. He grinned, and threw it at Snape. Before long, food was coming from all directions, and it was every man (or rather, animal) for himself. Cloud managed to work her way into a corner, headphones in, Bo Burnham blasting. She felt something hit her shoulder - a piece of broccoli. She turned around and made eye contact with a Ravenclaw student with a shaved head and leggings. The student grinned and threw a handful of mashed potato at Harry, causing him to look around and throw tofu at McGonagall. The doors slammed open, and Lupin stood there, ever so slightly disheveled.