an ocean apart (dream and georgenotfound)

Chapter 7

Despite the tension that hangs palpably in the air, Dream's house bursts into a flurry of motion as soon as we arrive. I feel lost and more than a little out of place as I watch his family flit by me, everyone with their own purpose. Unceremoniously, I plop down onto the couch, tossing my duffel bag at my feet.

Dream's siblings arrived at the hospital shortly after Sapnap and I ended our call, but I haven't spoken to them at all besides a few introductions. Even when I was sandwiched in between Dream's younger brothers on the car ride back to their house, everyone remained painfully silent. I guess we were all too caught up in our own thoughts and memories to notice the others.

Now that we're at their house, I occupy myself by watching Dream's family members, searching for any signs of familiarity in these strangers. Was that Dream's laugh? Dream's groan? Dream's sigh of frustration? Or am I reading too far into this, creating connections where there are none?

When Dream's sister plops herself down into a chair across the room from me, I realize I look like a creep as I silently watch her family's life. Hastily pulling out my laptop, I click into Minecraft on instinct and start an aimless survival world. I try to use it to distract myself, willing myself to think of anything but him as I explore.

Almost immediately, I can tell my efforts are in vain. Dream is everywhere. I see him in valleys full of sheep, in never-ending oceans, in cliffside villages. Every new memory that resurfaces feels like a punch to my gut. I'd do anything, absolutely anything, to go back to those moments.

I find myself giving in to my nostalgia, navigating to Youtube as I pull my headphones out of my bag. Usually, I can't stand to watch old videos as I always end up cringing at myself. Although the videos are just as painful now, it's for a different reason. I end up replaying the same clip from the x-ray series where Dream is dying laughing, thinking about how much I took the sound of his voice for granted. His teasing, his screams, his wheezes. I even miss the sound of him banging the table in frustration.

I'm so wrapped up in my longing that it takes me a second to realize that Dream's sister - who introduced herself as Bella earlier today - is talking to me. I take off my headphones. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I just said hey, GeorgeNotFound." She smirks as if my username is some sort of inside joke between us. "You're hilarious, by the way. I love your videos."

"Thanks," I say. I hadn't realized Dream's siblings kept up with his Youtube channel.

"Don't tell Clay this, but I watch all of his videos as soon as they come out. I'm, like, his biggest fan, but I'd never admit it to him."

"I'm sure Dream would appreciate it," I offer.

"No way." The expression on her face is comical, and I can't help but laugh. "It's embarrassing."

For a few moments, it had felt like everything was normal, like Dream could walk downstairs at any moment and smile at me, making a face at Bella. But then it hits me that her gushing is too vibrant, my laugh too loud. It's as if we're walking on a tightrope of pretending everything is fine, helping each other balance because we fear what lies beneath us.

"Wait, do you actually call him Dream? Like, outside of videos?"

"Yeah. I mean..." Dream had only told me his name because I had been bugging him about it. I claimed it was unfair for him to keep it a secret because he had known mine from the very beginning, but really I was just so, so curious.

Dream had given me his full name, even though I was only asking for his first. He had said it softly, carefully, as if he was handing over a fragile gift. I treated it the same way, like a secret that must be stored away, although since then he's become a popular Youtuber and thousands of people know that Dream is named Clay.