Angsty one-shots

The past jumps (part 1)

- trigger warning: mentions of attempted suicide, mentions of self-harm, descriptive text of blood, and self-harm-

~Jefferson and Madison modern university au~

Word count: 1,999

Thomas was sitting at his desk in history class waiting for his friend James. The teacher just walked into the door and Thomas sat there confused since James was always there before himself and the teacher would arrive. 

-10 minutes pass- 

Thomas checked his watch getting concerned since the teacher had started teaching the class and James hadn't showed up yet. Thomas had known that James was sick often but also knew how many times he had to help James get past self-harm and suicide attempts. He couldn't help but hope it was the first option of James just being sick. He didn't know if he could last without his best friend. As these thoughts were flooding his mind the door opened and he heard the teacher say "You are late Mr. Madison." 

It hadn't quite clicked in Thomas' mind the name that the teacher said before he heard his friends voice "I-i'm sorry... I just slept in a bit. I didn't mean to." James had explained before walking over to Thomas to sit next to him.

"Hey Jemmy! I was so scared you wouldn't come in. Are you ok? Are you sick? What happened?" Thomas asked. James looked a little overwhelmed by the questions. James tugged at his sleeve gently as if to hide something but not draw attention to it.

"Y-yeah I'm fine. I just overslept is all." James said not looking at Thomas. Thomas noticed that James' voice was a bit more sore than normal. He took note of it but didn't want to overwhelm his friend so he looked up at the front of class boredly.

-After class-

Thomas and Jefferson walked out of the class and said goodbye to each other since they had seperate classes next. They went through their seperate classes before they had a break. They met up under a tree in the middle of campus that they always hang out at.

"So Jemmy~ How were your classes?" Thomas asked putting on a playful 'flirtatious' tone

James rolled his eyes slightly at Thomas "They were fine. Boring but fine I guess. You?"

"They were absolute helllllll!" Thomas complained which caused James to chuckle a little. Thomas smiled a little at James' laugh. He had always been happy when he was able to make James laugh.

"I really don't understand how you can be so dramatic over classes that you chose." James added

"Well you see Jemmy there's this little asshole named Hamilton in my classes." Thomas had always said this whenever he ranted about his classes to James. "Oh hey are you hungry? I'll get both of us some food." Thomas had added.

James shrugged a little "I'm not very hungry if I'm being honest. But go ahead and get yourself food. I'll just wait here." Thomas thought this was strange for his friend but nodded before walking off. 

As Thomas walked off James pulled up his sleeve slightly to see the cuts on his arm. Memories from the night before flooded his mind as tears brimmed his eyes slightly. He quickly pulled his sleeve back down, wiped his eyes and tried to slow his breathing since he had started slightly hyperventilating without noticing.

His breathing finally calmed just as Thomas was waking back. Thomas walked up to James and noticed he looked a little frantic. "Hey bud you okay?" Thomas asked trying to hide the concern in his voice. James nodded. "okay then... Even though you said you weren't hungry I still got you your favorite sandwich for whenever you do get hungry." Thomas added handing James a ham and cheese Panini.

"Oh thank you Thomas." James said taking the panini and putting it in his backpack. Thomas sat down and leaned against the tree. James sat next to Thomas but pulled his knees to his chest and hugging them.

"Jemmy... are you sure you are okay? I don't mean to-" Thomas started before James cut him off. 

"Yes! Thomas I'm fine just leave it alone!" James snapped. Thomas looked at him slightly startled since James rarely raised his voice. 

"O-okay then... I won't ask anymore..." Thomas said before starting to eat the burrito he had gotten himself.  They sat in silence for a while until the break was over and then they said a simple goodbye and went to the last of their classes.

~James' POV~ 

Once all my classes ended I walked to my dorm. I had been the only one who had no dorm-mate due to him having dropped out half way through the year. It was nice to have a quiet place. I couldn't help but think I should go apologize to Thomas for snapping at him. But I also just wanted to lay on my bed and well... No I won't think of that. I have to stay strong for Thomas.

I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I walked. Those thoughts keep coming back to me. Why do they keep coming back but always get worse and worse?! I start to walk faster to my room. I just need to get to my room and I should be fine right?

I finally got to the dormitory. I walked in greeting the front desk person before walking to the elevator and clicking the button for the floor my room is done. It was a few minutes before I heard the ding of the elevator and the doors opened. I walked out and over to my room door. I fumbled with my keys. God my hands are shaking so much. I finally got the door open and walked inside quickly closing the door behind me.

I walked over to my bed. I sat on it putting my head in my hands. I tried to push back those same thoughts even more. They just kept getting worse and worse. " I need to stay strong for my Thomas." I said my voice sounded so shaky. It's gonna be hard to stay strong at the moment. I'll just sit here, listen to music and hope that these thoughts go away.

I take my phone and headphones out of my backpack and saw the panini Thomas got me. "I might as well eat something today. " I grabbed the panini and put it next to me. I plugged my headphones into my  phone and put on my Lo-fi playlist. I grabbed the panini and unwrapped it before taking a bite. I smiled a little realizing Thomas had gotten him his favorite. 

I finished the sandwich and closed my eyes just trying to focus on the music.

-a few hours later- 

Even though I was listening to music the thoughts kept getting louder. I couldn't take it anymore. I got off of my bed and walked over to my desk writing a note to Thomas before I walked into my bathroom grabbing the blade I had used the day before. I slowly brought it to my skin and cut. I continued and tried to stop but couldn't. 

I finally stopped myself and set down the blade before looking scared at how much blood had overtaken my arms. " O-oh god... W-what did I just do?" I asked myself before slowly starting to only see black...

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If anyone reading this feels like they or anyone else around them feels suicidal thoughts please call a suicide hotline. Don't suffer alone it wont help at all.