Till the eyes smile

;)

Well i have not came out to my parents and i am not even planning to come out to them till it's absolutely needed. I am bi my close friends and a few really close people to me know it's not that i am trying to hide i just don't think it's important to come out for me. And i also know my parents will not accept that part of me. So please don't take my example if you want to tell people. I am really private person if I could I wouldn't even tell anyone. Leaving a few people i can count on my fingers how many😁 know where i lived or where did i shifted to they think i am here on vacation 🤣🤣 which is quite funny. And i am enjoying till they realise that. I am proud of who i am. And i am confident that even if my parents won't support me(like they ever did but will they care so i care) it won't be the end for me. I can live own my own. And yes people leave, so what they came helped you grow, move forward. Just do the next right thing. Be kind. Believe in yourself and have courage to point out the wrong. Spread happiness. It's need in this world you will never know a few kind words, or a small help from anyone, even from a stranger can create a huge difference. So all you have to do is be kind to everyone and everything. I won't say it is easy but i will tell you just small thing at the moment will actually be huge things in future, it's like planting a tree which grow with time. I know that because i experienced it recently. And i am grateful. I was asked just a few days back that just look after yourself first no need to help other. Well I cannot help it if someone is going through something i have to help or at least let them know that they can come to you whenever. And i helped some strangers they didn't know any of the language the police was speaking or even English. And I understood what they were saying a little bit because it was similar to one of the language i speak so i was able to communicate with them and the police. It wasn't much the police just wanted to see their passports because they were speaking different language or something I don't know the whole issue. But i was able help them. Of course I myself was running late(as usual nothing new their) and the matter was solved. So  when i was traveling (i was running late to bus station). When we reached our destination it was night. And I didn't had anyplace to stay because i was thinking of taking the local train. We arrived before time. And I didn't wanted to disturb my friends {with whom i am stay now they knew i was come the next day (I actually changed my bus that why they didn't know i was coming a day early; so careless)} at night i know I should have have even then their house was 2 hrs car ride away from bus station. So i was gonna take bus or train but there was no service available at that time "just great" 'nice luck'. So i was planning on sitting at the station for the whole night in a city I didn't know. And I don't speak the local language here(i am in Europe, so the language difference) yeah i know it's not ideal and was absolutely idiotic thing to do but hey com'on. So i took my bags and went to the bench to sit. I sat there for maximum of 5 minutes. When the lady I helped with the police came to me(yes we traveled in same bus and we had same destination and I didn't know) and asked me why i am sitting here. Is someone coming to take me and offered to stay till my ride came I told them that I don't want to cause them troubled. And that i will be taking the first train in the morning. So the lady asked me where I wanted to go and they can give me lift. Her husband had came to pick her. He could speak English which was a-lot better to communicate in. So i called my friends informing them that i am coming there today to which they offered to come and pick me which i declined and they asked how i was coming so i gave my friend the lady's husband's number. And they talked about till where they can drop me or pick me so my friend came halfway to pick me and the lady and her husband left me halfway. Yes they were strangers i was sharing live location with my friends(to be on the safe side). I am not good in trusting people. I have trust issues ok i will not go with just anyone. But i made friends with those people as well and now we talk ever so often. That happened because I helped just little bit it was practically nothing but still what they did was great they even took me too their restaurant so we could eat. And that's where my friend picked me up. Just because my bus got cancelled and i had to take the last minute bus. Although i do have the worst luck.

Also sorry about this side story just wanted to say. It's not to the point. And it's just this example i have of this kind of experience. Many many small things have happened in my life that showed me it is really easy to be kind to others. All i want is nothing more than to help other even if it's not huge just a small thing while trying to reach mine own dreams which is quite difficult for me for some reason. But there is one thing i never do regret anything. Because regretting means thinking things to be different but if the things would be different you will not be the same person who you are today. And I personally really like who i am today. And I would not have it another way. I love my life. Also i am not there to where i love myself but i came a long way from hating myself to trying and loving myself. I didn't hated anyone, I never did, leaving myself of course. I am trying to figure myself out as well and i know one day will. I have low self esteem even to i am confident in everything i do. It's gonna be a long long ride. Trying to grow as much as possible yes i am selfish. I didn't know how to live for myself, i am trying to learn to do that from past two years. I really didn't know i still don't but i am trying, i always did things how everyone around me wanted to. I was so used to wearing mask that when I tried to remove it I couldn't even do it. And I didn't recognise that person at all I didn't even knew who i was. I used to keep everything to myself all the emotions all the things I wanted to say but never said. It isn't going to be 2 year's work it piled up from 15 years. I am really talkative person so when i say things like this no one understands that. They always ask how? Or why? I know the answer to why but i never say. Because everyone's situation is different and i am not best with explaining things. I am not lonely, i am not depressed. On the contrary i am really happy that I figured that out that I don't know myself so soon. I mean i am going to be 23 soon. And I enjoy my life, like i said before i love it and would never change a thing about it. I don't regret it. I don't know if i will post it or not but it is here. I am happy. What else do a person needs.
Wow were did i start from where did i ended up i am absolutely sorry.
I am working on the next chapter right now i will post it in a day or two.
Also I would like that thank everyone who had supported/read the story.
I didn't had confidence to post anything before.
I am also going writing mine own novel yes i know i make many mistakes grammatical and spelling and tenses. I apologise for that to. This happened when i was learning new languages and I going to start on another one so best of luck to me. I wrote one when i was 16 but got angry and burned it and then had to look at my friends angry faces for doing that they were read the original one and they loved it. If none of them are going to write my story as their own then I think i got good friends(like i would mind). (They still want that written)

Once again thank you all so much.