Nervous.

25 - Shawn

Andrew sighs loudly over the phone. I can't see him but knowing him, I can picture the disappointment on his face. "I don't get it, Shawn. You're suppose to be home in Toronto not making spontaneous visits to California," he sighs loudly again. He's frustrated. "How the hell did they even find out about the house? Who did she tell? She broke the contract, this can have serious consequences."

"Whoa, you're jumping into conclusions, Andrew," I say back. There's no way Jessica would be the one to tell the tabloids. I take another peek out the window by moving a corner of the curtains. The police have made progress with at least moving the photographers off the lawn. But they're still out there, and they still look eager.

"Then how else would the tabloids know where to find you. In fact, how else would multiple tabloids find you?" I've never heard Andrew this upset before. I'm normally not one for scandals, but this can easily get ugly. I know he's just worried about me, I understand. But keeping up with this clean image of mine is not something that I am going to let get in the way of my life beyond the camera. Not anymore.

I think of every possible way the cameras outside would know I am here, but nothing comes into mind. I know Jessica wouldn't do this, or Lydia. I trust who ever she trusts. All I can hear are frustrated thinking groans coming from Andrew.

"Andrew, relax. Can you just help me prepare a statement?" That'll keep him busy.

"Well what else is there to do at this point," he mumbles. "Do yourself a favor, Shawn, and keep your guard up. Not everyone is your friend or trustworthy. I'm booking you a flight back home for tonight, we'll talk later."

I place the phone back in my pocket and walk over to the yellow room. Jessica is sitting on the floor, looking through her phone. "We-we're everywhere. It's been like twenty minutes and these pictures are already all over these gossip pages." I can hear the panic in her voice. "And look at what these people are saying about me on Twitter." She taps on her phone screen and tries to show me. I lock her screen with the side button of her phone before I see anything.

"Don't do that. Don't look yourself up, it'll just make you feel worse," I say this from experience. She takes my advice and puts her phone down. I take a seat of the floor next to her. "These people don't know you. They're just making assumptions from some photos," I reach for her hand, but she slowly pulls it back before I could even touch her. "Andrew is going to send out a statement," I say to push away the awkwardness of that. "We just have to wait it out for a little while longer."

Our moment was stolen away from us. She seems uncomfortable now and I can't help but think about what would've been different if the moment wasn't stolen away. What would've happened if we kissed? And why does that moment feel so far away now? There's a giant elephant in the room and neither one of us seems to want to address it. I hate this. Twenty minutes ago, I was in a dream, and now it feels like we are back to square one of reality. Do we pretend like it never happen? I don't want to do that. The silence is killing me, so I decide to make conversation. "What are your Christmas plans?" I ask.

"I don't normally do anything for Christmas Eve or morning, but I go to Lydia's parents house for dinner," she replies.

"What about your family?" I instantly cringe and regret my question. "My bad, you don't have to answer that." It completely slipped out of my mind that her family is a touchy subject, I want to slap myself.

To my surprise, she giggles a little, giving me some relief. "That's okay," she shrugs. "I normally visit my mom for Christmas morning. I bring her a gift or two, but I don't stay long. I don't think I'm going this year though." She mumbles out the last part.

I have so many questions for her, I want to know more about her, about her life. I want to know every detail there is to know, no matter how dark certain parts may be. But she holds back, and I can see it in her body language that it's not in her agenda to ever tell me. It gets quiet between us again. I turn my head to look over at Jessica who is playing with a loose stand of her distressed jeans. She looks uncomfortable and awkward and I feel guilty for putting her there. I crossed the line earlier when I said I wouldn't, and then I bring up a conversation she hates. Can this get any worse? I feel so useless right now. I can't do anything about the people outside, the people over the internet, and I definitely don't know what to say about our 'almost kiss.' Maybe this isn't the right time to address it anyway. Our secret is out and that should be our priority at the moment.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing. It's Andrew. "Statement is made and will be sent out tomorrow. And since it's the holidays, I wasn't able to find you a seat on a flight for tonight so I booked you a jet. It departs at midnight from the Sacramento airport. Don't say a word to any press on your way home, please."

I thank Andrew and set my phone down.

"What's going to happen?" Jessica asks.

"Andrew is going to release a statement tomorrow, we just have to be quiet for now. He booked me a flight home for midnight."

Another wave of silence falls between us. "Uh--yeah right, it's Christmas Eve tomorrow, you should be home," she says, her words cutting through the silence. I don't want to leave her, especially not under these circumstances.

"You should come," the words fly out of my mouth but they are exactly what I want. Jessica's head snaps in my direction.

"Come where?"

"Toronto."

She laughs. "Yeah right."

"I'm serious. Those people outside are going to be following you everywhere. We haven't gone over on how to prepare you for that, so I rather you not go though that alone right now. Besides, my parents have been dying to meet you. And if my mom finds out that you spend Christmas Eve alone, she'll kill me for not bringing you. And so will Aaliyah," I say, trying my best to sound convincing.

"I don't think so, it's just not a good idea," she shrugs.

"Jess, please. Just come. The jet is already paid for."

Jessica raises her eyebrows. "The jet? Like a private jet? That's ridiculous, Shawn." She doesn't sound impressed, I would think most girls would be. But then again, she's not like most girls.

"What's even more ridiculous is my apartment, which you can stay in. I have a over the top guest room thats never been touched," I say to her, trying to poke fun at myself a little.

"You mean your penthouse," She scoffs.

"Whatever you want to call it," I smile. "C'mon, Aaliyah would be so happy to have you there too."

Jessica sighs loudly and covers her face with her hands in frustration. "Why are you trying to convince me so badly?"

"Because I want you to come so badly."

She looks over at me and I swear a smile appeared on her for like a second. "I can never win with you." She sighs. "I have to back for work on Wednesday."

"I'll get you back on time," I promise her.

We pack away the paint to a corner so we can come back to it later when dozens of cameras aren't outside. I prepare Jessica to face the cameras with a pep talk. She's still nervous, but we just have to get though it. Before we exit the house, I make sure everything is locked and secured. I can see Jessica shake. I don't ask her permission to grab her hand, I just do it. We exit the house and cameras begin to flash like crazy, Questions bombard us from all directions. The police do their best to keep them at a distance, but it still feels overwhelming. Jessica's grasp on my hand tightens on mine. I open the door of the Rover so she can jump in. Once we are both inside my phone vibrates again, it's Andrew. He probably wants to know if I'm at the airport yet. I hold the phone up to my ear.

"Why didn't you tell me Jessica's mom was a druggie?" Andrew's voice is low and concerned. I look over at Jessica to make sure she didn't hear that. She's too busy focusing on whats going on outside the car.

I'm just as shocked as he is. "Because I don't know that," I say back honestly.

"Shawn, please prepare her for a shit show that the tabloids will be releasing tomorrow."