Finding the Pieces

Chapter 1

STOP!!! IT HURTS!!!, I screamed in my head. My eyes pleaded what my mouth couldn't seem to say. I was afraid and in pain physically and mentally. My head was pounding from the blood rushing around like an ocean during a storm. He pretended he didn't notice my eyes frozen in fear and filled with water from unshed tears. He pretended to not notice my hand holding him back from entering my most sacred area. I'm scared. Terrified. If I scream out loud instead of in my head, he might kill me. As hard as that is for me to imagine him killing me, well, I once couldn't possibly believe he would take the one most precious thing I had to myself. He forced himself inside me. My body revolted in shock and pain. Tears streamed freely down my face. He did it! He TOOK it from me! The ONE thing that was so precious and pure. NO!!! I want it back. How could he!  I'm soiled. Broken! I can't get what he took back from me.....How could he!? I thought he was my blood. I thought he loved me! I thought he would only protect me. I thought he'd never do a thing to hurt me. I was wrong....so very wrong. I'm scarred mentally and physically. I was to frozen and scared and in pain to move or speak or even breathe. He stayed on top of me...pretending nothings wrong. Caught in his own sick world of ecstasy. When he finished he wordlessly got up and walked out....I layed there frozen and sore. I was scared that if I moved he'd come back. I silently cried and cried. How could he!? My most precious thing...he TOOK! And no matter what...I can't get it back! He robbed me! I'm soiled. Broken. Nothing. How am I suppose to wake up in the morning. Hell, how can I sleep.......suddenly I couldn't breathe as if I was trapped under water. I was drowning. Maybe suffocating. And I didn't mind the darkness that overcame my once pure body.

I woke up hot and sticky. Sweat dripped from my face. My heart was beating rapidly. There were tears that escaped my eyes on my face. That dream was so vivid, because it was true besides the drowning part. My body was shaking from fear. I wrapped myself in the covers to pretend it was just from the cold. But I know it wasn't. The images repeatedly go through my head. I can't stop them.  Each one more painful than the next. Seems like it just happened. How could I even possibly learn to forgive him!? He took my precious purity. The one thing I knew was my own. How do I find forgiveness in my heart for such a cruel world. I cried myself back to sleep...as every other night. The darkness inside always wins because I always give in to it.

***NOT UPDATE***

I'm so frustrated and emotional now so I decided to start on Chapter 2. But after I was almost complete with the chapter my phone decides to Force Close my Wattpad app and I lost what I wrote! Ugh. Sorry I poured my heart out in that chapter. Trying to find the motivation to keep writing. This is really hard for me guys....if you're a victim of sexual abuse, physical/mental abuse, low self-esteem, depression, etc. Find help or find what helps you cope! Do NOT pretend and do NOT hold it in because you're only hurting yourself! My movement.... #NotAVictimAnymore #ImFree on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Let's help others who are still a victim to their situation step out and be free!