a little context for the thingy
so i have this thing in my brain that when u have some feelings for someone and u dont tell them, u start dying to a disease that makes u cough flowers? cant remember what its from but im pretty sure i saw this somewhere i cant remember.
also, in this world, renskall is a thing and doc is lonely.
last, permadeath if the person who died wants to die.
Songfic.
Save me from misery
Can you save my broken soul?
Save me from misery
Not my time, don't wanna go.
I rush to my room, coughing out petals again after my meeting with Ren and Iskall. I couldn't bear it this time and rushed our meeting after seeing Ren happy with him. I.. I don't want to be the reason they part.
I cough up more petals, along with blood this time as I feel the loneliness creep up on me from my unrequited feelings for the man.
My life is ending, it started drifting away.
The time was given, wasn't able to escape.
I always forced myself to think of different things instead of my feelings for the man. I always tried to shift my focus on my goal from the start of the season, to be the richest hermit.
A million dollars finally pulled me out the trenches
But all that money starts to eat at your existence
I cough out in pain, my knees buckling as I drop to the cold tiles. W-why does this have to keep happening to me? I... I really can't help myself can I? Why did it have to be him instead of me? Why did he pick Iskall? Is there anything he has that I don't?
You know I have been so damn lost these days
On my own, I got no one to break me out these chains
It's so hard to calm me down before I go insane
I don't want to be this way, numbered on my days now
I know that the disease will kill me soon if I can't remove my feelings. I don't want to die, but I can't imagine my life without loving him. I feel a familiar wetness in my eye as my head starts pounding. I'm so pathetic, I can't even save myself from my own foolishness.
Tell the reaper that I'm sorry
I never wanna harm me
But the voice is so alarming tonight.
I stand up weakly, heading over to my desk and getting a few sheets of paper out of the nearest book. I start writing, pouring my feelings and tears into words. My last few words before this disease takes over my body. I know I could've saved myself before, but now I'm too far gone. I didn't want to cause any more pain to them, they deserve their happiness. I'm only a burden that they don't need to carry.
And all the time I gave to fix it all is not enough
Starts to take it's toll
It's better to end it now isn't it? The easier way out? The dark thoughts in my mind start to swirl and choke me, and I feel the familiar tightness in my chest as I feel the urges to lash out. This time, I think it's better if I give in. I make my way to my bedroom balcony as I put down the sheets of paper next to me. I take out a black potion I had brewed the night before, when I thought of ending it all. I look at it weakly as I go into another coughing fit.
I'm giving up, I'm giving up now
My vision is blurry
I can't break these chains
And I'll be surprised if I make it today
Look at me, I feel so pathetic right now. I'm just prolonging the pain for myself as I continue to be with them. Yet I can't bring myself to remove them from my life. I have caused enough arguments and I have been enough of a nuisance in their life. I know that Ren will never see me the way I see him, and if I force myself upon him I'll just hurt both of them as a couple. F-fuck it really is better without me.
I'm sorry for all the pain I create
This life isn't worth it, it's not worth the shame.
I finally down the black liquid, immediately feeling it start to eat at me from the inside. As if my self-degradation earned itself physical effects. This is it, I'm going to die. I'm finally stopping the pain I cause.
Tell the reaper that I'm sorry
I never wanna harm me
Save me from misery
Can you save my broken soul?
I go into my last coughing fit, clutching the sheets of paper close to my chest. I hope they're happier without me. Who am I kidding, they'll be perfect without me.
[Docm77 withered away]
this is the song btw ^
also no i dont hate anyone i just placed myself in my writing hence doc is kinda not him and eh what ever
