Obsession

~1~

    "It starts today josh" I said, running my hands along the smooth gravel.

     My gaze reverted on the hedge stone.

  "October 4th, 2016
      JOSHUA DAVIS".

   It said, giving a summary to a life ended in bleak despair.

     "You're with me right? Of course you're with me. Why wouldn't you?...Why wouldn't you?!" I yelled out. He was with me. I know he was. He wanted this, as bad as I do.

  
    "Look, I brought you flowers. Purple tulips." I said softly, putting the bouquet of flowers down on the grave stone.

    They were his favorite. He loved purple tulips. An unusual taste, but he loved them. I know he did.

     "You like the flowers don't you? The florist said we give this to the ones we love. The ones we've lost. But you love them don't you?" I said, waiting eagerly for his answer.

   I waited. He didn't say anything. Why won't he answer me? Why won't he answer?

     "Answer me josh! You like the flowers don't you?! You like the flowers! You don't have a choice! You have to like it! Answer me dang it!" I yelled. My head bowed down. Beating at his grave.

    "I'm so sorry josh. I didn't mean to yell at you. But you won't speak to me. You used to." I said, the painful tears running down my face.

    He wouldn't speak to me anymore. He used to speak to me. He used to tell me he loved me. He loved me. Still loves me. He's just mad at me.

   "I said I'm sorry josh. I'm sorry. Please speak to me. It's okay if you don't like the flowers. I can go get another one. But don't be mad at me." I said earnestly.

  I hated when josh gets mad at me. He shouldn't be mad at me. He should be mad at him.

   He was the one josh should be mad at. Him. And nobody else. But it all ended today. And it began today. Today was the beginning of the end.

   I sat still. Waiting for the soft sound of his voice. Usually carried by the breeze.

     Megan.

  I heard it! I heard josh! My josh, I heard my josh. It wasn't my subconscious imagining stuff. It was my josh speaking.

   "Josh. You're not mad at me. I knew you weren't. I know you like the flowers. I know you're with me..."

   I said softly. Making a half attempt to wipe my tears from my face. Why was I crying? Josh spoke to me didn't he? He liked the flowers, doesn't he? But why was I crying?

    Because he was dead! He was dead! He might speak to me, he might like the flowers, but he wouldn't be here with me! He had never been with me. He hated me! He still hates me.

   "Why do you hate me josh? I know you do. Why else would you leave without me? Why didn't you wait for me? I would have gone with you. All you had to do was ask josh. I would have gone that far with you. Only you, only you josh...." I said softly, running my hands along his grave.

    

  " how many times have I told you girly, you come here too often. Let the dead man have some peace. He's dead. He oughta have some peace and quiet." Joe said. Standing behind me.

    I didn't hear him walk up to me. But then he was Joe.  If he wasn't quiet, he wouldn't be able to work with the dead.

   I ignored him. He didn't know what he was saying. He didn't know josh. The last thing josh wants is peace and quiet.