A book where i can do whatever the hell i want

I try to care, but I really don't (idea)

Trigger warning!— pretty degrading remarks towards (y/n)/you

-Apathy.

- a bit of gaslighting

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IMPORTANT: Even with Hal's (an Oc, not the yandere but it's like an important character) potrayal here, I can assure you that none of your friends and family feel like her about you. They love you, don't think that you're a burden to anyone. You are precious and loved.

"I see." I nodded and made sure to put on a concerned mask. But in reality, I don't give a shit about your situation.

It's not that I dislike you, I am just very apathetic inside. I can't seem to care about anything that I deem irrelevant to my life and I know that's abnormal. I understand that you're going through a terrifying time, and I have been your friend for like, what? The past donkey years?

You may see me as this reliable buddy of yours. However, deep down inside, the things I do to help you or comfort you in times of distress aren't sincere. I just didn't care as it did not affect me at all.

I knew that was wrong, I knew I should be a better friend. And I did, however nothing was real. I never helped you or consoled you out of pure kindness. I only did that because I didn't want to be seen as a monster and an oddity.

I couldn't help but not care. It's scaring me too, I can't get rid of this apathy. All I can do now is to act like I have a heart and hope that I will one day...

...Truly give a shit about others.

"What do I do? I'm really scared, Hal..." you sobbed on my shoulder. I pursed my lips, I want to care. I want to feel the fear, pain and panic that you're feeling.

But all I can feel is the guilt for not caring about this. At least I'm not completely evil... right? I still do have a conscience... I hope.

I understand why you're feeling this way. Being stalked isn't exactly fun, I know I would act like this too.

But this isn't happening to me. I just can't help it, I don't care. I honestly want to go home and take a nap instead of letting you cry on my shoulder.

However, I don't want to lose you. You're a good friend and I like you, I try to return that by being a decent friend too. It feels like a chore, I wish you never asked me for help, you could have asked (f/n)! He's more emotionally capable than I am!

Now, I have to do some extra emotional and physical work to be there for you. I can't back out of this because I feel like I'm obligated to help. Normal people shouldn't abandon their friends like that.

This is absolutely draining, you are a burden to me.

An absolute, burden.

"Things are gonna be alright, it's okay. Let it out." I droned on. My apathy came with a set of horrible social skills. I had to memorize generic words of comfort from the internet, I even took up acting classes just so that others will think that I care.

I think I did a pretty good job. So far, the people I know labeled me as a 'real one'. Ergh, but that means they would come to me with their problems.

Pros and cons, I guess.

I try to care, I really do. But I can't, I'm sorry.