Night Workout

Chapter 6: I'll Think About It Tomorrow

JANUARY 5TH: PART I

It's cold, incredibly cold. And Joong really should've seen it coming.

He'd woken up to white sheets and white pillows and white duvets of seemingly impossible vastness. He's being a dramatic ass -he knows, but that's what the bed looks like to him without the presence of another body laying on it. Nine had gotten up before him, that's nothing unusual. He'd always been the early riser out of them two. Nothing about this morning would be deemed abnormal in the daily cohabitation routine of Joong and Nine, if only for the unbearable silence he found the dorm to be in.

Nine's a musical person, they both are. He owns 3 bluetooth speakers in this dorm alone and one of them would usually be blaring some easy tunes right by this time. It's what usually woke Joong up -some Thai ballad, an American pop track that got famous on TikTok, or the 9th track from that "Chill Korean Coffee Shop" playlist they've subscribed to (he thinks it's something by IU, he only remembers how hard-hitting the opening percussion was -never fails to rouse him from the pillows). Nine's a musical person through and through. He's always singing something, playing something, humming something, dancing to something. So the silence, this silence right now could only tell Joong how different today would be. He couldn't even stay the morning after. Great, good job Joong -way to fuck things up buddy. Goddamnit.

Also it's starting to drive him crazy, this silence. If Nine's a musical person, then Joong's just noisy. He likes noises, basks in them. It takes his mind off of things, keeps him distracted, makes him feel less lonely when it's just him and the world. So this silence -this one forcing him into a state of contemplation and over-analyzing is driving him nuts.

He can't take it -can't take this, so he feels around the pillows in search of his phone. The search on the bed came out fruitless but it didn't take long to locate the piece of gadget when it's suddenly blinking and beeping at Joong from a spot on the floor.

It's 8am -that's the first thing Joong can read off of his screen. Scrolling through random Instagram notifications, a text from his manager (that was what the blinking and beeping was about), some silly meme his friend sent last night, and there it is; his text. It's only two chat bubbles, words simple and direct -classic Nine Kornchid. "Went out. Back by 8". In the reply space he'd started to type "where to?", but when his finger hovered over the send button he stopped himself -stopped his concern, tried to stop his feelings. You don't deserve to know, he thinks. Hasn't he given you enough?

This morning has been hell enough without this oncoming bout of combo-ed self-pitying and self-deprecating that he's gonna subject himself to. Fortunately -or rather unfortunately, the front door decides to open when Joong's about to start spiraling, only to reveal simultaneously his best dream and worst nightmare.

Nine, nine is here. He did say he'll come back at 8 -oh shit that's right now, Joong's breakdown was put on halt when the older started talking to him.

"Hey. Thought you'll be up." He's speaking to me. "They want us on the set by 10 so we have to be at Motive's by at least 9.30. You can just go ahead and shower, you'll do breakfast there if that's fine...?."

And although his brain is wracking up so many things to say (Of course that's fine. Are you okay? I'm sorry about last night. Are we ignoring the elephant in the room? I'll ignore it if that's what you want. Where were you just now? Have you eaten? I'm in love with you) Joong's just nodding at Nine's words. Lazy feet crossing the room to head to shower. Just for a moment though he stops, right in front of the older -lets himself stand there and lean down. Staring right at that pale familiar face. He scans, looking for a tell -a twitch, a jerk, a shudder, a shiver. Nothing, nothing. His face tells nothing -of last night, of what he's feeling, of what he's thinking. Nothing, nothing gave him away -at least at first. Maybe there is a reason Nine took those acting workshops they had really seriously.

Sure nothing gave Nine away, nothing gave away but nor was he moving. Joong managed to keep their stare-off longer, and the more Joong stares the more he gets to read Nine -really read him. And thank god for those extra seconds because he's started to see something -something about Nine.

Joong gets equated to a labrador a lot. Mostly he knows it's because he's this giant child of high spirited, enthusiastic, and annoyingly energetic tendencies. But he also knows that sometimes people call him that because they perceive him as naive, gullible, slow-witted -dim if you will. But Joong knows he's not stupid. He's a fool for sure, but a fool in love -in love with Nine Kornchid Boonsathitpakdee who he's been joined at the hip with for the better part of last year, so give him some credit when he says he's better at reading Nine than others. If Joong wasn't Joong, if he wasn't completely and utterly smitten by the being in front of him then he would've found Nine's face right now akin to a blank canvas. Wiped and hollow, the sign of a losing battle -a battle that wouldn't have been worth fighting for from the start.

But Joong is Joong -absolutely and undeniably taken by the man in front of him, spent the better part of last year being joined at the hips, learning his gimmick his cues his tokens his tells, knows him better than anyone ever could, read him greater than anyone ever could. So trust Joong when he says that that's not Nine's blank canvas, that's his window blinds. A concealed version of himself, neat and thoroughly hidden -but something always peeks through; a ray of light, a raindrop, a gust of wind, a moth probably -creeping through the crevices and flying around aimlessly. He's really getting carried away with this metaphor.

Point is Nine's not heartless, he's affected by this too. His face still tells nothing, but that's because he's actively trying to make it tell nothing. He's hiding -what it is Joong can't tell, but he's hiding something, some feelings (maybe), and for Joong that's so much better than some bullshit hospitality he gives out to people he pity. It's not pity he finds in Nine's eyes and although that's not nearly a victory, it's at least not a loss. He's also not being kicked out or screamed at, so Joong counts that another non-victory victory. Better start getting used to those, he figures. It's what you'll have to settle for.