The Boy I Love

Booking

It's getting late- Leo and I have been cuddled up together for hours, arms wrapped around each other and occasionally trading kisses.

I'm not super focused. I'm a little scared, to be honest- usually when I hook up with people, I don't actually have any kind of feelings for them, and I'll forget about them pretty soon after, knowing that they're doing the same. This is different. I don't want to just forget about Leo and never see him again. I really, really care about him. But... is the attraction gone, now? I mean, we've been cuddling and kissing every once in a while, but nothing that would be really telling one way or the other.

"What's wrong?" he asks quietly, without even looking at me. I tug him a little closer.

"Can I have a kiss?"

He turns to look at me, his eyes big and imploring, and a little questioning, which is fair, considering we've been kissing a lot in the past hour or so.

Nevertheless, though, he reaches up to cup my cheek, pressing his lips to mine. I sigh a little and pull him closer, gently sucking on his bottom lip. He nips mine in return, and I groan a little. Attraction = definitely not gone.

"Already?" he teases, pulling back and giving me a small smirk. I grin and kiss his forehead.

"What do you mean? Too soon to kiss?"

"That was a moan."

"Okay, but that was your fault."

"You started it."

I grin and pepper light kisses along his cheekbone. "No, all I did was ask for a kiss."

He rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Don't worry, I'm just teasing you. I have to get you back at some point."

I kiss the tip of his nose. "Oh, I see."

He grins and tilts his face up to catch my lips with his. "So, should I ask what was wrong that merited a kiss to be solved?"

"Doesn't everything that's wrong merit a kiss?"

"Shush. Answer my question."

I kiss him again. "I just needed reassurance."

"That I still wanted to kiss you?"

I avert my eyes. "No. That I did."

He frowns (in confusion, I think). "You weren't sure if you still wanted me?"

I sigh a little. "No, I knew I cared about you. I do care about you. A lot, Leo. I've never been in an ongoing relationship, though. I don't know... what to expect. I'm sorry."

He leans in to peck my cheek. "Don't be sorry. You didn't let me apologize when I didn't know how anything worked however many hours ago that was. I care about you a lot too. And... it's okay if you don't know what to expect, because it's a relationship, and those tend to be complicated because they involve human emotions of more than one person."

I turn to kiss his lips. "Thank you. For being understanding and... not judging me for never having had a relationship before."

He snorts. "Thank you. You're the most understanding person I've ever met."

I grin a little and cup his cheeks with both hands, and press my lips to his.

I don't end up going back to my bed. I sleep with him curled up on my arms, and my heart feels like it might explode, it's so full.

My happy bubble is popped the next morning when I look at the match chart and see how close I am to the finals. Not just me, though- Leo as well. Which many might consider a good thing, but... I can't imagine having to wrestle him for the win of the tournament. I wouldn't want to lose, because everyone seems to think it's as good as mine, but I also wouldn't want to take it away from Leo. I would hate to take this away from him, regardless of what it meant for me.