Brave.

Hiatus.

Louis POV...

"You are never on the same page as me, I wanted to tell everyone I love you, I was ready to scream 'Fuck you, Simon Cowell!' when I was seventeen, but you weren't ready. I couldn't share my love or my true self with the world because of you and that hurt, Lou. It hurt so fucking bad!" His cheeks wet and eyes puffy, "I kept going and pushing on. I saw the press and magazines of you and Eleanor. I watched my boyfriend, showing love to someone else, and again, it hurt. I didn't want you to do that. I didn't, and I don't ever want to see you with her, I'm selfish, I know. But you have been hurting me so badly. I need a break, a break from you." He's hurting, and so am I. "You are selfish, Harry." I begin mocking him, "Harry needs a break because Louis isn't mentally ready to be judged by everyone. I am not ok with being so open. You're pushing me at your pace, and it's too fast. I don't want to hold El's hand. I only ever wanted you! I made myself sick going on dates with her so WE could be successful and happy in the long run." I point between us, anger evident. "I hated myself. I scrubbed my hands in the bathroom to get rid of her touch. I washed everywhere ten times over to get rid of her!" We're both angry and crying.

"Boo-Hoo, poor Louis!" He mocks, "I don't want to get judged for loving a man. I would rather be successful than tell everyone who I love. You don't love me if you don't want to shout it out to everyone," he's shouting at me, "You don't love me, Louis. I'm leaving." He says it calmly, and I don't stay to hear what he says next. I slam the door behind me-

I wake up from my nightmare, sweating and crying. A week without him. I push myself up, going to watch the sunrise, knowing he'll be seeing the same sun when he wakes up. The apartment is cold and empty after he finished taking his things. Everything smells like him still, no matter how many times I wash the duvet covers.

Niall and Liam have Facetimed, called, messaged me, and came by. I ignored them, wanting to be alone. "You're holding me back, Louis." I can't get it out of my head. I was holding him back, am I keeping them back too? I hear my phone ringing. The persistent noise is making my headache worse, so I go over to turn it off, I look to see who it is. It's Simon. Thoughts circle in my mind, it's 7 AM why is he calling? I answer the phone, hesitantly, "What" I speak dryly into the phone, "We're on a hiatus, Simon. I'm not working right now," my breathing becomes heavy as I become vexed, "I'm what now? No, I can't. I am not doing it without them," he's pushing me, and it reminds me of what I said to Harry and it makes me give in, "I'll be there" I end the call making my way to the shower. I pull on my tightest jeans, pairing it with the pinkest jumper I have and putting my vans on before leaving. A meeting with Satan himself is not what I wanted to do today, or ever. 

Walking through the doors to see Simon and his posse chatting away until all eyes fall on me. "Ah, Louis, you took your time," Simon places his sweaty hand on my shoulder, leading me to the table. "It's been a week since you and the boys ended things-" I cut him off, not allowing myself to deal with him today, "Hiatus." "Ok, but you aren't as successful as the others, and never were. You're talentless. You're not having a break. I have a team ready for you to work on a solo album" Talentless, aren't as successful, you're not having a break. His words fill my head. I don't argue because I know he's right. "You have rules surrounding this album." He speaks with eminence. "no confessing your love for Harry. No telling the world you like men because that's disgusting," He makes me nauseous the more he speaks. "Harry broke up with me, so that's not a problem," Simon doesn't delay showing his smirk. "Finally, he realises dating a man is wrong, good on him." I surrender, not trying to fight back. I've lost energy and hope. 

Simon places his grimy hand on my shoulder, leading me through the building and into a room filled with a bunch of people and instruments. "This is your team, take a moment to get to know them because you'll be working with them until your album is perfect." He forces me forward and exits. I observe everyone before approaching them. They are all calm and put together, unlike me. 

"Hi Louis," A man takes the chair next to me, "Hi, uh-" I'm cut off by him as he tells me his name is Michael. "I'm one of the guitarists. I have a few things I'd like to show you when you're ready, of course." He smiles at me, and I feel my lips tug into a small smile as he moves to sit back with everyone else. I follow him, dragging my chair behind me and sitting with everyone else.

"Hi, I'm Louis," "we know, star of the show-" another man speaks out after me in a rude tone. "Alright, watch yourself." I spit in his direction. "Sorry, I'm Steve. Your drummer." I nod in his direction before turning my eyes to the man next to him. "Matt," He says quickly. "Bass." He nods like he had been rehearsing what to say in his head. "Issac, I play the guitar" A guy leans forward and takes my hand, shaking it. I tun my head to the side to the man sitting next to me, "I'm Zak, keyboard" He smiles in my direction. "is this us then?" I question my new team, "Uh, no" A girl is standing behind me. "Sorry I'm late, Simon is an arse, I'm Hannah. But please, call me Hanny." Hanny. It sounds like Harry. Suddenly all the memories of him and I are filing into my head. "Uh, Louis, are you ok?" She questions. "Yes, and I'd rather not call you Hanny, thanks." I seethe, promptly stepping out the room.

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Hi, 

First chapter. I'm so excited to write this! 

I just want to say that the homophobic language that is used is not a reflection of me and what I support. It's purely the characters. 

Also, some things and some people aren't going to be the same because it's just a fun story <3 

Follow me on twitter @/ louehsmells 

- E x