we're just friends! | rosékook

one sided love

jungkook thought even if he's not the best at expressing himself, he is at least self aware about his own feelings. he knows if he's sad, happy or tired even if he says otherwise. so when the waves of realisation came crashing down on him, he didn't know what to do. he was shocked, surprised and every other synonym to those words. he never thought that he would ever fall in love with his best friend. he never even gave it a thought. he was in an unknown territory, and it was terrifying him.

"hey" chaeyoung waved her hand in front of his face. "why are you so quiet?"

jungkook blinked. he almost couldn't see her face because their living room lights were dimmed down, but he couldn't help but notice a particular shine in her eyes as she looked up at him.

"are you ok?" she asked.

"y-yeah.." he answered, failing to produce a stable sentence out of his mouth. his throat felt dry and chaeyoung's close proximity was making him feel suffocated. what is this situation?

"uh.. if you say so." she replied, not sounding convinced. a small silence enveloped them as jungkook tried his best to ignore chaeyoung sticking to him in the couch as they watched a movie on the TV.

"didn't you like the performance?" she asked.

jungkook jerked his head towards her so quickly, eyes widened in surprise of such an inane question.

"why would you even think that?" he asked, forgetting his awkwardness for the first time that day.

chaeyoung stared at him with worry, and maybe a bit of sadness. "I don't know.. you just didn't say anything about it." 

this is when jungkook realized that he was so freaked out about his realisation that he forgot to do his duty as chaeyoung's best friend. he had been so worked up that he forgot to uplift her. she must have been so nervous. but she did so well despite that. how could he be so selfish, even for a moment?

"I'm sorry… I guess I'm just tired." excuses. he didn't know what he should and shouldn't do. normally he would just throw himself at her, bear hugging her until she gets annoyed and pushes him off. he would keep showering her with all types of compliments, with a hint of teasing and sass of course. but now that he has realized that all of that was just flirty banter from his side, he doesn't know what's right and what's wrong.

"did you have a rough day?" she asked. jungkook gulped, and nodded. it was tiring, sure, but he has experienced worse.

"do you want me to give you a shoulder massage?" she asked, cheerfully.

"n-no, you don't have to–" too late. chaeyoung had already gotten into her masseuse position, indicating jungkook to turn his back to her. he obliged, since the cheerful glint in her eyes was too much for him to reject.

damn, love.

as he felt her soft, dainty fingers press and rub the tense muscles of his shoulders, he couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. she was so good at massaging. better than him anyway.

"you were great, by the way. up there." he said, as he slowly relaxed into the steady pressure and rhythm of chaeyoung's hands.

"thanks." she said with a giggle. god, he can hear her laugh all day. "I was so nervous, I felt like throwing up honestly. I almost fainted when I got up on the stage." 

jungkook chuckled. "did you imagine the people as potatoes?" he asked.

"honestly, yes." chaeyoung admitted, increasing the pressure of her hands.

"did it help?"

"well, yes and no." she said. "while my nerves were calm, I felt like something was missing. there was still a knot in my throat and I couldn't get my voice out for some reason."

"is that why you were quiet for the first two minutes or so?" he asked. everything felt normal to him now that he has his back to her. his heart was still pounding, but he felt like at least he can make decent enough conversation with her now. also, her hands felt great on his muscles.

"yeah… I didn't know what was happening, and I still don't understand. but then…"

"hm?" jungkook hummed, encouraging her to keep talking. keep talking so he can keep his head and heart distracted. keep talking so he doesn't lose his mind thinking about how he is in love with his best friend who potentially doesn't love him back (in a romantic way, of course.)

"but then… I saw you." jungkook's closed eyes snapped open upon hearing the words from her mouth. he turned around, only to see her gently smiling at him.

"I was so nervous, but then I saw you in the crowd. your face, and you mouthing the words "you can do it." your face was probably the only one I didn't imagine as a potato. and that was the moment I felt ok. I felt like I can overcome this unknown fear." she said. "it was nice, seeing my closest friend encouraging me. I felt like I shouldn't let you down by acting like a coward."

jungkook blinked. although the lights were dimmed, he could still see her smile. he could still see her shining eyes. he could still see her pale blush which forms whenever she's being honest about her feelings.

and that's when he realised how much in love he really is with her.

he slowly leaned forwards and wrapped his hands around her, embracing her gently. chaeyoung gasped softly, but it didn't take long before she hugged him back.

"aren't you cuddly tonight?" she joked. he didn't say anything. he was just trying hard not to explode from all the overwhelming emotions he's feeling. he didn't want to let her go, ever. but… what can he do? it is so scary. this feeling is so scary.

"yah.. let me go. I'm sleepy." she said, pushing him away, implying that the moment of weakness is now gone and she's back to her old self. sitting back on the couch, jungkook's head was filled with millions of thoughts.

"aren't you gonna go to bed?" she asked, getting up from the couch to go her room.

"yeah… I'll go in a second…" he said.

chaeyoung furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, clearly indicating that she knows something is in his mind. but she knows better than to pry. jungkook is the type of person who needs to be left alone when he's confused. he'll figure it out.

"turn off the lights and the water filter before you go then." she said, making her way into her room and shutting her door.

as soon as he heard the click of her lock, jungkook took one of the couch cushions, buried his head in it and screamed. he really was fucked. she has no idea about his feelings, and she definitely doesn't see him that way.

this was the first time jeon jungkook experienced was one-sided love was, and he was not a fan of it.