Romeo and Juliet but wack.

Prologue and Act 1: Scene 1, I guess

Prologue: Yo, check this out.

We got these two families, not one, not three, not sixty-nine-two, like two bros chilling in a hot tub two.

They're both chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and shootin' some b-ball outside of the school, except b-ball isn't a thing yet. And there is no school, it's Verona-Italy!

And the fams have this old grudge or something, so they're fighting-and I don't mean Smash, I'm talking about some K.O.!'s some straight up fatalities up in this bruh. They're like mortal enemies. Like some goshdarn Team Edward-Team Jacob, except Shakespeare. Marvel vs. Dc but like...Italian. Sub vs. Dub-Family Feud edition.

But then these two people who love each other verrrrryyy much, they crossing stars or something, legit commit final oof together and then when they dead, their parents are like, "Oof, they dead. They ctrl, alt, deleted themselves. Hmf. Now I'm sad. Dang, them fools really dead. Guess you aren't *that* bad, (insert opposite famalam here). I mean, we both got some dead relatives, so like...that's a start. Let's stop Edward vs. Jacobing, and let's start OT3: Bella x Jacob x Edward-ing, you know."

"Yeah, let's bury the hatchet while we bury these lovers. Like, bro, this is the start of a beautiful friendship, (insert opposite familia here)."

So, yeah, we're going to show you all that. 

Now, this is the story all about how these lovers' lives got flipped, turned upside down. So I'd like to take two hours just sit right there, we'll show you how these two families could've shared an heir. 

(F u n k a l i c i o u s riff plays)

{Chorus dips, that's who was speaking, by the way.}

ACT 1

Scene 1: So, we have these two guys. These two hombres, you know. Not in a hot tub. Not gay?...that remains to be seen and/or smelt. So, they'e walking about. Like, "Oh yeah, I have these leg things. Let's leg, dawggg. Let's get some l e g  a c t i o n up in these streets. Up in these Verona streets." They're Sampson and Gregory, some capricious Capulets-what does that even mean? Ok, Google says it means they're quick to change in temperament/mood/behavior. I mean, they go from leg action to fight action, so sure? I don't know, man/woman/both/neither/other-I just liked the alliteration.

They're making puns. Puns about what, you may ask, though I can't hear you (Ay Ay Captain). Why, puns about...cholers or something. There's a hanging joke in there somewhere and like, coals too. But then they start talking about how much they hate the Montageues. Like, "Ugh, Montagues. Just ugh." "I know, right?" "Probably put their milk before their Frosted Flakes." "We don't even know what Frosted Flakes are. This is Shakespearean Italy, dude. But...they probably don't even have Frosted Flakes, they probably have Corn Flakes." (Disclaimer: Like whatever cereal you like and make it whatever order you want. Maybe try making some new cereal types. Mountain Dew and Dorito cereal, anyone?)

"Yo, I could pwn some Montagues. Take 'em down to beat-down town." "You rhymed down with down, but yeah, I could-I could really go down on some Montagues. Like, I'll *go down* on some Montague fools, you know. Like, like straight up, wide-open, relaxed, super satisfying, like-"

 "What?"

"I-I mean, yeah, I could really smack down some Montagues. L-lay down the law, you know." "Yeah dude. That's what's up, I mean, going down? Up? Down?" "Wow, we really like down, huh?" "Yeah...down." "Downnn." "Duh-ownnnn" "Dow-nuh" "Dooooooooooooown" "Do-yo!""Hu-what?" "Looks whose down the street!" "Heh, nice one-Oh snap! Das a Montague." "Yeah... yeAH! THAT'S A MONTAGUE! A MONTAGUE, DUDE! A MONTAGUE!" "Yeah, that's why I pointed him ou-" "A MONTAGUE!" "Ok, chill. Chill. Relax. Cool guys, cool guys. Oh! Hey-hey, watch this."