Falling Into Place

It's been way too long

I used to think that I needed to be loved by another in order to feel love

And so I ventured out into different seas, 

trying to find the perfect body of water

that would swallow me whole and make me feel alive

But every single time, 

I was drowning in their coldness

Their promises of sunsets and wonder

One by one, turning into darkness

I swam back up every time,

fighting for my life,

fighting to stay afloat,

but still wanting to be in their embrace

Until it hit me

I didn't need to rush getting into the water

No, not until I was ready

And so I stayed dry for years

Trying to construct the perfect raft

and the proper equipment for me to use

But when I came back to the shore, 

I was afraid of going in

I no longer want to swim

I don't have any more courage to be embraced by the ocean

Because what if my equipment fails me?

What if I'm still not ready? 

And so I stayed on the beach, with my feet being caressed by the waves

But my heart not wanting to dive in anymore

Because maybe, just maybe... I belong here in the sands for now

And it's been so long since I actually loved the idea of being here,

Happy with only myself, until the ocean calls out to me itself

In God's perfect time... in God's own will and not mine