(I Just) Died In Your Arms ~ Stanley Uris

013

September 2nd, 1989

Dear diary,

A week ago I defied a child eating clown, saving Derry from the heartbreak of more kids going missing. I don't know why, but I feel unfinished. I think it's because killing It was supposed to conquer all our fears, however none of us truly got over what we feared most. I still am horrifically afraid that one of those losers are going to die, Bill continues to grieve over Georgie, Eddie is still chained to his medication, Stan still can't bear to look at the painting in his dad's office, Mike probably hasn't gotten over his parents, so on, so forth. We just acted as if we weren't scared to stop It but were we really not afraid anymore?

Sorry I didn't write until we defeated It because you know I was kinda busy fighting a killer clown and stayed at Stan's place for a couple of days. I guess I was too focused on protecting everyone else that I didn't focus on making time for myself. I guess now since I'm not too worried about the world ending that I can finally focus on new things, such as school starting in 2 days. I'm not excited at all because I know what kind of rumors that would be circling around and the Bowers gang will be after me. But I'm slightly thrilled to finally experience school with a tight knit friend group.

Another thing I could focus on was my undeniable attraction towards Stan. He kissed me on the cheek on the way home after the battle, and I haven't been able to let go of that feeling. It's almost been a week, and a part of me wishes I could get that feeling back. My heart was throbbing with a emotion I've never felt before, something that made me miss Stan tremendously whenever he is gone. I've never liked someone as much as I like him. This is all new to me.

And about my dad's girlfriend... they've been dating for nearly 3 months before I even knew she existed, apparently visiting when I wasn't home. She lives in Bangor, and drives hours just to see my father. I was so angry that he'd be replacing mom, but he seems to be nicer when she's around, so maybe it's not that bad.

Bill invited us to the spot next to the river near the train tracks, I have no clue why, but I was eager to go. I haven't seen anyone since we defeated It, and I was most delightfully eager to see Stan again. It was strange, having a crush like this.

My pen came to a stop as I took a moment to breathe, staring out my window, watching a couple birds land on the tree near my window. My fingers were just healing and the amount of writing I was doing was making them ache. I had bandaged my middle and ring finger, my other fingers had either already scarred or scabbed over.

I placed my diary under my bed, hiding it away from my father's possible prying eyes. If he saw what kind of things I wrote in there, he'd be furious, screaming so many obscene words. I was so tired of his harassment that I wasn't going to put up with his yelling anymore. I was truly starting to fight back.

This confidence was nearly arisen after the victory, surging through my blood stream and driving me through the world. I killed a clown, what could be harder?

My hair had grown too long over this summer, hanging just below upper back and tickling my spine. The messy waves glimmered in the warm Derry sun, and I felt so free with my hair down.

It was 10:30, much to early to start making my way to the train tracks, but I was desperate to escape the walls of my house, feeling more like a prison than a home. I ran up to my window and clicked the lock open, pushing my curtains out of the way. I wasn't going to exit of the front door, my dad would definitely interrogate me as I left, and then I would never get to the train tracks.

I carefully dropped my converse outside of my window, and then slid out myself, landing with my sock covered feet in the grass. After lacing my dusty old converse, I walked around Derry, taking in the beautiful sights and all the nature around me. With the constant burden of a murder chasing at my tail, I never had the proper time to finally open my eyes and see the beauty right in front of me. It wasn't much, but it made life so much better.