the heart breaker

the realisation

"Boys f*cking suck" I almost mumbled, not been able to breath properly, choking in my own tears. Crying on my best friends shoulder. "look, do not worry. One day you will find that one boy who wont suck, and you will marry him, I am sorry I have to leave but ill call you in the morning. I love you"

After Laura left. I was in so much pain, my heart felt like in was being cut through with a butchers knife. I spend the rest of the night, listening to the Panic! at the disco, and hugging his jacket which still smelled like him. I had never experienced anything like this. its like piece by piece your whole world is falling apart,  every piece of you is gone before you know it, and all that is left is pain and hatred. I hated myself, it was all my fault. He cheated on me because I was not good enough. I could have been better. I know that I should hate him but I love him. I love him so much that I am not able to feel hatred for him. My pain was so prominent, that I could not take it anymore, and I closed my eyes as I heard the lead singer say "if you love me let me go" So I let go. I fell asleep slowly as my heart fell apart piece by piece.

The next day I woke up, and for a few small seconds I was happy, I did not know what was happening it was like everything was ok for that moment. Then I looked to my left where his jacket laid and I remembered.  I opened my laptop, and I saw a message from Laura, "look at this it'll make you feel good" *link*. I opened it. "Cleopatra" as I read about this woman's life I noticed one thing. She never fell for a guy but manipulated several. She is one of the most powerful women in history. "I am done with love" I told myself, "I will never fall in love ever again". I was going to become an independent woman. I would use guys but not to fall in love. I was going to be "A heart Breaker"