Mindless Rants

"I will destroy your ass with a traffic cone"

Okay so this is a rant that me and my best friend Sarah did a long time ago.... The first part is me and the second part is Sarahs... enjoy ;) Oh and this was before I had a boyfriend (his name is Bowe so if you see that in here that's probably why) so I put a few comments in from now... These will be in normal font and in (   ) those thingys... Yeah I can't spell that word... oh well.

Okay Okay Okayyy. So what’s something that EVERY single female (straight) on the planet likes to talk/obsess over?

 Boys. Duh.

Soo being the super(cute) creative little writers that we are, WE GONNA TALK BOUT BOYSSS.

Okay you ready?

You sure?

Prepare yourself.

Okay I’ll shut up now

Or will I

Okay. Anddddd go.

Definition of a male:of or denoting the sex that produces small, typically motile gametes, esp. spermatozoa, with which a female may be fertilized or inseminated to produce offspring.

Yeah i didn’t understand half of those words.

My definition?

Gifts sent from god (or whoever, I’m not religious at all…) for the sole purpose of making women happy (Ha! They're just here for sex) . Yeah right. This particular species (yep I’m gonna sound smart now) is usually excessively hairy and smelly if not showered, sprayed, or deodorized properly.

Some things all guys should have/do:

1. Abs. V-lines. Like yes. You wanna talk about a gift from God? V-lines. Every man on the planet should have these extremely lick-able perfections. (Guess who's boyfriend has them? Fucking score! I fucking tapped that)

SADLY there is one problem with them. They are going EXTINCT. V-lines are going extinct guys! This is NOT okay. In this extra large, super-sized, greasy fast food world we live in, our poor little v-lines are slowly disappearing. But not to WORRY! I BELIEVE we can all work together and STOP this tragedy.

Yeah. And for those of you who have no idea what v-lines are (first of all you've been SERIOUSLY missing out) and you've just been sitting there like, "what the hell is this crazy bitch talking about?" JUST FOR YOU, I have posted a picture on the side>>> STRICTLY FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES!

Lets all just take a moment to look at that...

Okay! Back on topic...

Okay you can look one more time..

2. Back muscles.  I cant even describe how sexy they are.. (They're seriously fun to lick... just make sure you at least let them know before doing it... They don't like being surprise tongue raped on their back... speaking from experience here)

3. Big hands! (Stop thinking dirty thoughts you little pervert) Holding hands with a guy is SO MUCH BETTER when he has big hands.

4. A car! No girl wants to get in a car with her boyfriends parents go on a date or to hangout.  MAJOR BONER KILLER. (Bowe doesn't have a car....)

5.Deodorant. No explanation needed.

6. That one really yummy smell that's different for every guy. Like ugh. Some boys just smell so damn good.. CAN I JUST LICK YOU NOW?! (Yes)