Ella's Story

Chapter 5

Word count: 1100

Trigger warnings: Wishing Ella would detransition, I won't say who, but just be wary when they get to the market. 

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Two weeks later

I've been on Ash's E pills for two weeks, I haven't seen that many results. The main one is my voice seems to have adjusted to speaking higher, so now it doesn't hurt when I speak.

I'm running down the path. I already left several minutes late so that I could finish up another chore. I missed last week's market day because I was embroidering patterns onto my dress. I can't miss this week.

I spot Ash and Matthew standing by the old oak tree.

"Oh, Thank goodness you're alive!" They say when they see me.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I was working on weeding the garden," I explain through my panting.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" Matthew asks me.

I beam at him. "Mistress Amaya is letting me wear dresses!"

"That's wonderful Ella!" Ash tells me. "How is she taking it?" They seem genuinely concerned.

We start walking into town.

"Well, I told them when the letter came announcing the ball. I told them I wanted to go as a girl, they thought it was because I wanted to see and get with the prince."

"Why else would you want to go to the ball?" Matthew asks.

"I just want to see what it is like. I've never really been to a palace, or met many people."

I also want to prove to everyone that I can pass as a girl. I want to go as myself, to show people how I see myself.

"That seems lame. Why go if you aren't going to pick up any hot guys?"

I roll my eyes at Matthew's remark. "Not everyone is as gay as you Matthew."

"Fine, then pick up hot girls. I'm sure there will be plenty there."

I squirm a little bit. "I'm not sure I want to date anyone now."

"And that's totally fine!" Ash interrupts Matthew before he can speak.

He huffs. "Whatever, I just don't see the point."

"You don't have to. If going to the ball makes Ella happy, then let her."

Matthew rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything else.

"So, Ella, what are you going to wear? You can't exactly go in this." Ash gestures to my brown work dress.

"I've been sewing some of the more stained dresses together to make the petticoats, and I'm embroidering the pink one to make it look fancier," I inform them.

They think for a moment, I'm sure they are trying to picture it. "That would look pretty, maybe we can get you some lace at the market."

"Oh no, I'm not looking to draw attention to myself, I just want something simple and pretty. Besides, I don't think that Mistress would allow me to buy lace using the grocery money."

"Then I'll get you some, just enough to trim the ends, it doesn't have to be fancy. Please?"

I feel kind of uncomfortable letting them buy me something, they've already done so much for me. I also know that they won't back down until I say yes. So I agree.

"Fantastic! Oh, Ella, You're going to look so pretty!"

"Yeah...pretty," Matthew mumbles.

We arrive at the market and make our purchases, Ash keeps talking to me about the ball, what the designs on my dress are, what I plan to do with my hair, etc... They go on and on until Matthew finally snaps.

"Oh my goodness, Ash will you just shut up!"

"What's your problem?" They ask Matthew.

"My problem is her!" He points at me. "I can handle the experimentation while they figure themselves out, but aren't you taking this bit far? Face it, Ella won't be able to get the surgeries without Mistress Amaya's permission, so there's no use in indulging her."

"Matthew!" Ash looks scandalized, I'm sure I'm not much better off.

"Might as well just admit it now, as much as Ella is a girl, she'll always be stuck in a man's body."

"Matthew!"

"And to be quite frank, I prefer it that way! It's less confusing for everyone."

"Matthew stop it right this instant!" Ash screams in the middle of the marketplace.

Only now does he listen to them. He takes hearing breaths. Silence seems to fall over everyone.

My stomach drops to my feet and tears fill my eyes as what he says sinks in.

Ash starts shouting at Matthew, but it fades to white noise in my ears.

He's right, I won't be able to get any surgeries until I move out. Even when I do, It's not like I know how to begin. I'll be stuck like this forever

Ash's voice comes back into focus. "Why do you care how she looks? She's just trying to be herself?"

"Because I loved him!" Matthew shouts at Ash.

You could hear a pin drop.

"I loved Elliot..." Matthew looks away, clearly holding back tears, then he looks back. "Then he said that he's a girl, and it doesn't matter how much I support her, I'll always see him in her."

He storms away without saying another word.

Did he love me?

I try to think back to all the times we hung out together, sure he was always kind of touchy, but I never thought that he liked me. I thought that was just how he was.

I always seemed to bond with Ash more, now I know it was because we both knew we are both Transgender. They could understand what it feels like to be me when someone like Matthew can't.

Ash looks between me and Matthew's retreating figure, trying to figure out ho to console.

"Just go," I tell them.

"Are you sure?" They ask, "He said some pretty horrible things."

"He didn't say anything that wasn't true," I tell them.

"Yes, he did. Just because he doesn't like it doesn't mean you should stop being who you are. If he really loves you then he'll have to learn to love all of you, not just the part that used to be a guy."

I cross my arms over my chest.

"Hey," They unwrap my arms and hold my hands. "You're still a girl, regardless of what he says or wants. I still love you."

I give them a small smile. I know that they don't like me like that...but since Matthew, I'm not sure...It is nice to know I am loved though.

"I'm going to go find Matthew, promise me you won't let him get to you?"

I nod. "I should probably be getting back home, I have a bunch of extra chores to do."

They nod cautiously. "Alright, be safe."

"I will."

We go our separate ways, I spend the rest of the day replaying the event inside my head. I wonder if I would have figured it out on my own, or if I'm too selfish to realize when someone likes me. 

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Hey Angels! Have a good time reading.