BROKEN

UNVEILING

I'm just a very weird fellow. Sometimes I feel too good about myself and get extremely happy, most times I feel really bad and feel like I'm not good enough. I always feel bad when interacting with people because I'm an introvert and feel shy about my vicinity. I feel like my opinion does not actually count. Well, do I blame myself, I blame life for making things this way. Although, there are things to be grateful for but I feel there's much more to be accomplished.
It's late at night and I'm back to overthinking and fantasizing. I've had a crush on this boy for a very long time but I haven't told him anything about it. I'm quite good at concealing my feelings so I play good around him. Most times, I find myself staring at him and I get nervous. What if I was revealing too much? What if he figures out I like him and starts taking advantage of it?. Quite frankly, I don't know what attracted me to Jason because there are so many things that are amazing about him. He's greatly built with a dark curly hair and a perfect walking and standing posture. A very bossy look and it was so obvious he was comfortable in his body. He doesn't talk to me but prefers to engage in a conversation with the popular students in class. I don't know but nothing has drawn him closer to notice me. He was raised in London, although both of his Parents are Nigerians.
The day he newly joined, he was the talk of the class and I watched big boys and girls gather around handsome Jason. Unlike other new students who came in via diploma, he was quick to adapt because he literally had everyone at his beck and call. Every time, I find myself fantasizing about him and imagining life with Jason. I thought it was a brief crush but I still find myself attracted to him. I had few friends who rarely came around because I tend to push them away with my inconsistent attitude. Teni and Busayo would always constantly check up on me but they stopped because they felt I've got these walls built around me. When we see in class, they greet me casually and go on with their normal activities. Do I blame them? I've chased everyone away.
Doing my things solo wasn't a new thing to me, Busayo and Teni distancing themselves from me did not really affect me, I was good. I guess. Everyday after class, I'll pick up my notes and rush to my apartment , not wanting anyone to notice me or start a conversation. Everyday, I keep distancing myself from people so no one noticed me in class.
I know I was actually wasting my time crushing on Jason because he was never going to notice me. Besides, I wasn't even his type of girl so why waste my time. After a lot of imaginations, I slept off.

The first chapter is short and crappy but I hope it gets better