Don't Save Me (KomaHina)

Final - Don't Save Me

A person's brain is a strong, fundamental part of a human body. A person's mind controls actions, emotions and situations. If used properly, it can bring success and happiness in an individual, a sense of contentment and satisfaction most people are looking for in their lives.

Despite it being strong and vital, a person's mind can also bring downfall, destruction. For it is capable of feeding a person ideas, lies, ugly thoughts, until he or she has nothing to think of but dying, deprecating, disappearing.

It was happening to Hajime at that very moment when he jumped off the bridge, that one Tuesday evening.

He had nothing to live for, nothing worth enduring his life for. Nothing mattered when he let his foot step into air, and then another, and he was falling, into the dark river. He had a bittersweet smile when he did it, his eyes closed, hands resting on both sides of his body.

He had never been so relaxed in his entire life when he felt gravity worked, and he was falling, the chilling air biting his skin. It was cold that night, but he didn't care. Because at last, he would be at rest. He didn't have to struggle for long. It was there. It was calling him. It took a long, painful time, waiting. But in that moment, it was there.

Finally peace.

It was said that before you die, before everything went blank, your whole life, especially the important details, events and people that made up your years of stay in the world, will flash behind your eyes like a montage in bright lights. It was to remind you that you have lived well, you made people happy, they made you happy for however long, and these memories were so significant that you needed, one last time, to remember them before you closed your eyes and your life ended.

For Hajime, there was nothing. When the ice-cold water swallowed him whole, there was nothing but the pressure, filling up his ears, his nose. He tried looking for it, opening his eyes for what seemed like the very last time, but he saw nothing. Darkness, the black river.

Maybe there was nothing significant in my life at all. No one to remember. I would be losing nothing, and they would be losing no one once I'm gone.

And then Hajime knew. He knew he made the right decision.

Take me. Please, make it fast. Take all of me.

His lungs were tightening. The drumming of both the heavy pressure of water and his weakening pulse in his ears was loud, and he started to lose the sense of everything.

His body was screaming for oxygen, it needed oxygen. But Hajime shook his head, as if arguing. His mouth involuntarily opened, and water rushed inside, down his throats, filling up his lungs. His eyes widened.

It hurts. Was it supposed to hurt?

It was painful. He wanted to scream.

Hurry. Hurry up. Kill me now.

Was it possible to cry under water? Maybe. But the tears were not visible, in the dark, in the river. It was a silly thought. How long did it usually take for a person to die drowning? He should have looked it up to make sure. It hurt, he wanted to scream. All this time, he thought he was used to pain, he should have been numb by then. It was agonizing. Where was the peace he was promised? Who even promised his peace?

He was wondering about those questions when he felt herself blacking out. Finally. He was dying. This was it.

Thank you for nothing.

At the very last moment, before blackness took over, he felt a warm sensation touched his arm, gripping it. He was hoisted up. And then, absolute darkness.