Yaashira
Amber is sick I can feel it , she ain't never been this quiet. She looked as if someone had sucked the life out of her, all she do now is sit around the house and trace her frail fingers over the portrait of her last remaining family members. She told me they disowned her a long time ago but she knew they was just speaking out of anger so never stopped loving them.
Amber stood in front of the screen door and watched the drunks and wannabe drug dealers waste they life away under the tree.
" I remember I was itching to be out there everyday all day....barley at home." Amber mumbled.
" What you talking about Amber " I asked slightly annoyed that I had to sit here and watch this damn baby.
Amber looked at me and gave me a thin smile. " god gave you that baby for a reason you should be thankful."
God gave me this baby for a reason , I should be thankful. I replayed that sentence in my head. I was in labor for 5 fucking hours with no pain medication what the hell was his reason.
" Well honestly he can take it back cause I don't want it."
" What the hell you mean you don't want it, that it is yo fucking child Shira how you let some shit like that come out your mouth." Anger filled her eyes and she stormed over to me snatching me off the couch.
She practically threw me at the screen door. "Look out there tell me what the fuck you see!" Her voice was fading in and out but it was still powerful.
I saw Sino under the tree smiling in some girl face and whispering that nonsense he always whispered to me. That made my blood boil. He was just telling me how he couldn't come visit me or the baby cause he was sick and he didn't want the baby to catch nothing I should've known that all was bullshit. I know it's not his baby but he should've never gave me that empty ass promise of him stepping up to play the father role.
"A nothing ass nigga." I mumbled snatching away from Amber. I held my hand over my face realizing I was about to cry. Why ? I barely knew Sino for a month and I'm already losing my h
" Exactly a nothing ass nigga that you been chasing up and down this block."
I looked at my baby and sighed. I can't do this. " Amber I think I wanna give him away."
"For what so you can run around chasing niggas again."
"NO I'm not a good example for him I don't even have enough money to buy him pampers I got him staying with a whole ass stranger."
" God gav-"
" You know you really been throwing that god word around all willy nilly where the fuck was god at when I was out on the street with nowhere to go starving my ass off."
" RIGHT HERE God sent me to you , you keep throwing your problems around blaming everybody but yourself it's your fault you dropped of school and left yo momma just to chase behind a grown ass man that's all on you baby girl all this is on you , and stop blaming that baby cause he ain't ask to be here."
I looked at my baby once again he was smiling without a care in the world. I would protest and tell her off, but she was right I did blame my baby I hated him so much that I didn't even name him yet.
I would've thought I would lose all that bitterness when I had him , that just made me even more bitter cause he looked just like his father
"Look like I said I was once you before chasing after boys being fast not listening to nothing my momma I always would tell myself she was just jealous of me cause I was young and she wasn't took me 4 years to realize she just didn't want me to make the same mistake as her but it was to late she already disowned me my own sisters even disowned me I couldn't even go to my own mother's funeral cause they blamed me for her heart attack you think I get drunk and act a fool just because wanna know the truth I wish I would've died with my momma ain't nothing left for me here I get drunk so I don't have to face reality."
