The Past, Present and Future of our Infinities

Tracie Lanchester

Hi. My name is Tracie. And I'm about to tell you a story that only my closest friends know. I believe that confidentiality is important but so are truths. I'm going to be the first to share my story. When I was seven, my father changed. He was very stressed. And thus, cranky. My mom was a workaholic. One day, while I was playing with my dolls, he came into my room. Then he started yelling at me to clean and started throwing my dolls. He picked me up by the arm and yanked me out of the room. It hurt and I started to cry. He dragged me into the living room and kicked me. He told me I was dirt and deserved to be kicked around and stepped on. I cried even more. He went back into my room and grabbed my dolls. He went into the kitchen and rummaged around for the lighter. Dolls are clean. Dolls are too pretty for dirt. "That's your new name now." he said. DIRT. Then he ignited my dolls on fire. I cried harder and he told me to shut up. I couldn't stop crying so he picked me up and slapped me, hard. He told me if I didn't shut up this time I'd be the next thing on fire. Tears silently streamed down my face as I wondered why he hated me.

SIX MONTHS LATER

Some days were better than others. I remember my childhood vividly. The memories like tattoos in my brain. Me and my mom were having our girls night . She took the day off today because she had some things to take care of. I loved it when my mom wasn't working, mostly because my father didn't bother me on those days. Even though my father treating me horribly , he treated my mom like a queen. He bought her gifts, gave her massages and they never argued. I wondered if it was all a plan. So that if I ever did tell nobody would believe me. Today was no exception. He got home from work after I arrived home from school. So I had a little while to relax on the couch alone with my mom. I laid my head in her lap and wrapped my arms around my jeans into a tight ball. I was now forced to wear pants year round because of the bruises. He hit me everywhere except he usually spared my face so it wouldn't be obvious. He hit me with everything. Belts, cords, pans, shoes, and his hands. Basically anything in reach. We were watching a movie on ABC family when my dad arrived. I cringed at the sound of the door and my body stiffened as he approached. He came up to my mom and kissed her. "Hey sweetie." he said to her. "Hey Baby Doll. " he smiled at me and said. He was so good at faking that he should have been a actor. After about twenty minutes of him and mom conversing without me, mom announced it was time to go. I was extremely grateful as we headed out. When we got in the car I sat in the back and looked out the window thoughtfully even though we were just sitting in the garage as she searched for her keys. "Mom..." I called out in a quiet tone trailing out the word. "Yes sweetie?" She replied. Since today was a Friday I knew she would be at work tomorrow. I asked if I could sleep over at Laine McCain's house. She's one of my best friends. She agreed and finally found her keys. As the car roared I let out a heavy sigh of relief.