Chapter 22: Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response

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My eyes flip open at exactly six a

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My eyes flip open at exactly six a.m. There's no gentle fluttering of the eyes as I slowly pull into consciousness—no; I am sleeping one second and the next, I am wide awake. Awake with an uneasiness in my stomach that tells me that today is not one of the good days. I glance at Roan's bed to find his covers strewn away from his body which is unusual because he's always cold. The air conditioner is off, leaving a deafening silence in the absence of the usual mechanical, obnoxious whirring overhead.

Everything is off, wrong.

I swallow the irrational clump of apprehension in my throat, slip out of bed, and step into the bathroom to get ready for school. It's only when I'm fully dressed for school, scrubbing off an unknown stain from my faded sneakers and checking the time on my phone do I realize something disheartening. 6:37 a.m. Monday, December 3 reads the screen.

It's the first Monday of the month.

My spine steels into a straight line, I drop the wet sponge in my hand and dial Theo's number with a dry hand.

He answers on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hi, Theo, umm listen. We can't—I'm not going to school today."

"Oh. Okay?"

"No, listen. It's the first Monday of the month. David's having one of his secret meetings today."

A pause on the line.

"You want us, to what, follow him around work?"

My brain starts working faster than I can talk, stringing together ideas, a loose plan. "We don't have to follow him around if we know beforehand where the meeting is. Ezra spoke of his secret meetings once. He'll lead us there—"

"Ezra's not his driver, he's Atlas's."

"How'd you know that? You know what, that's not important. It still slipped out of him which means he knows something. I'll let him drive me to school and once Atlas is gone, he'll tell us."

"You think he'll give it away that easily?"

"No. No, I don't think he will. But it's our only shot."

"Sage, I don't think that's a good idea. Who knows what can happen—"

Two large honks bellow from the street. I rush to the window and peek through the wooden boards to see the sleek back car.

"Ezra's here. We'll talk in school."

I cut off the line and pack my bag with a set of all black clothes, a black scarf, and a pair of cheap glasses before darting down the fire escape, my shoes letting out intrusive bangs on the metal stairs. Wordlessly, I step into the car and shut the door.

Atlas spares me a single glance, Ezra meets my eyes once in the rearview mirror, and the rest of the ride is silent.

I stare at the back of Ezra's head. His hair is a dirty blond in meaning not color; no matter how many times he washes it, it will remain a murky, dark ochre color. I wonder if he has kids, then do his kids share the same hair? The same beady eyes that look at me in the rearview mirror? In my head, I build a life for Ezra. I force myself to imagine his small home, his children, his return to his wife after a long day at work. This way I don't think of the crazy plan I have for today. I can't let the reality of what I'm about to do register, least I realize how lunatic it is and talk myself out of it.

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