The Queen of None

six | famous last words

featuring

taron egerton as niklas

I thought that if I came home, I'd be able to go about my merry little way and resume life as normal, or at least be able to relive a small figment of the past. Instead, I'm stuck under a witness protection program that I don't think will ever end.

The first thing to change was the instant addition of rules. They burdened my actions and left me in a constant state of isolation. No going out at all, no more adventures, no more sneaking out - especially during the late hours of the night. No more freedom.

I knew better than to outright break them and risk my health, but it was done at the cost of my independence.

I'm a week in when my sisters push me off the bed. I had grown accustomed to waking up on my own, rising parallel to that of the sun. But today, they woke me at the crack of dawn. For some reason, my brain didn't register the early morning rays of light diffusing through the crooked blinds, not even when my own two eyes had to squint from its luminosity. It was only the tiny alarm clock reading five in the morning that gave me any indication as to how early it really was. From the ground, I shoot them an irritated look, but I'm sure they were more surprised at how dishevelled I've become than the actual death stare I wore. My mother, from the doorway, sighs quietly, facing away from me as she takes a seat at the edge of my bed.

"I-It's not ideal," she whispers slowly, "But I felt that it was time."

"Say it." I cough, not having the time nor energy for beating around the bush.

"There's a suitor waiting for you at the door."

*

Niklas sits across from me on the dinner table. Before this, I had been mulling over my thoughts, alone and confused. By now, only the two of us are home, and he fixes me a concerned gaze, which I ignore.

I spent the last few minutes composing myself. Convincing myself that betrothing myself to a person I didn't know was my duty to my family. Somehow, I felt the need to make up for the guilt of willingly giving up a chance at the throne. There's a part of me that misses Lucas and another equally large chunk that misses Will. Both have constantly been clogging my thoughts since my return home, and especially so this morning.

Because I know that no matter who walks through that door, I won't find love. My heart is already taken. Conflicted, but taken.

"Breathe, Holly." Niklas nods, reaching over to give me a firm pat on the shoulder.

And just as I'm ready to deal with whatever hurdle has decided to grace my path, Esteban walks through the door.

He enters slowly, almost sarcastic and mocking as he revels in my discomfort. I know I'm weary and have no time for his games, so as soon as his gaze falls on me, I redirect my line of vision so that I don't have to look him straight in the eye. I can feel his stare on me, and while uncomfortable, it isn't intentionally cold.

"Did you give up on Illea too?" 

It's a simple question, and yet I'm still taken aback. In retrospect, I had made a selfish decision to choose myself, but the decision was still mine to make. I'm human, I'm cowardly, and I have flaws. And with my flaws come obligations I may not always be able to fulfill.