Social conditioning

Growing up in a muslim middle class is actually tough that it delve for ratification whatever you do. Morelike, you gotta follow patriarchies than your heart. And Somewhere on our way growing up we are all tricked into presuming love,finances and marriage are all tied in. I met him on my 17's. No, i wasn't desperately searching for love. It just happened, but why not ? because You have this person who pushes you to achieve every dream of yours, who constantly ask you to be with your god, who knows you to bits and pieces, who was your friend first. I fell. Not at the first sight but slowly, with time. But once you fall in love, you drown in there; half consious, cause you only see the person infront- almost making my brain obscured about his above average family background. Realization hits, but very late. Then I analyzed a thousand times, every midnights in every possible ways, if its really cool to marry a man with different background or is it not ? I dont know if i am being creepy overthinking and connecting all ethos and morales to a persons social status. Anyways, though there were little hurricanes finally families approved, and we were getting married. on the way to aisle, rather than being happy to get hitched to the i man i prayed for; i was bothered, more like annoyed thinking if i am judged for my looks, for my outfit and for my jewels 'cause i know i carried very little. Not sure though, i might be just surmising. coming from a middle class, i was conditioned to worry much over all these matters. Thats how i was taught by the society, relatives, social medias and so on. On the initial days of my marriage, I worried on how both the families are going to blend. It scared the hell out of me to think if my husband would fit in , or would i hurt him?!. When people talk about salkarams ( feasting), i would find a lump in my throat very hard to gulp down, as i dont find answers. I was uncertain if i would embarrass myself or people around?!  Though i was initially in denial and didnt confront my feelings to anyone, i now put myself through it. With gods grace, Everything around me is beautiful, people are kind. I am happy- nobody, my husband, my in-laws, not even the society never left me in aches or discomfit. blessed and Beyond! And i know Its me who overthink and put myself into agony. But if my 24 year brain is troubled thinking such inanities, well; am i the only one to blame ? Or because all our lives we are all well trained to judge on someones life with  this so called 'status' than their actual worth. I should have known my selfworth is defined by my honesty, genuinity, love and the efforts i put on and not on what my parents have or doesnt have. Now that i write about social norms on financial status, yet i cling on to this non sensical idea that my parents doesnt have a car. Social conditioning literally! Its time i make my journey less distressing and give myself a wake-up call, cause at the end of the day, i deserve a happy sleep. You Girls, firstly love yourself, know your selfworth, take time to encourage yourself. And then Stop trying to satisfy senseless conditions to start knowing how beautiful you both as a couple actually are. After all its the understanding, trust and love drives a relationship, so be kinder to give a shot of happiness.