Sometimes I forget things. I don't mean to, it just happens. I know it annoys the people around me which makes me even more stressed, knowing that they're not happy with me. Sometimes I remember things, I'm really proud of myself when I do. But the others say it's stupid things I remember, a waste of time, unimportant. They tell me to pay more attention, I try I really do. I came to the conclusion that the reason I can't remember things people tell me is that I never actually look at the thing I'm listening to. This makes it even harder because I have a habit of avoiding looking directly into another persons eyes, it's only my close friends in which this rule can be swayed, however, even with them it's only for a matter of seconds.
To others I may appear vacant. I'm not. My eyes just can't handle how many things they have to take in so they forget. When I'm asked a question the inner me curles up, I know the answer. I know I do, I just can't remember, they never notice I vent out my frustration by drawing on the walls or randomly kicking things, swearing. Swearing has become a common thing to expect in my presence, it helps me cope, another reason is that sometimes if I come up with a unique swear, I remember funny things, scary things, embarrasing things, I don't really care. I'm just happy I remembered anything.
The people I know in the outside world won't understand this, they will blow it off as just a piece of text. It may look like absolute gobbledygook but this was another vent for my soul. If this does catch the outsiders eyes I hope they understand now. How lost I am. How forgetting scares me.
