FLASHBACK

What would you see in flashback-
when you'd miss me?
How would I come into your imagined scenerios-
if you'd ever miss me?

Do you see me laughing with my hands covering my mouth?
Or do you see me controlling my tears of pain?
Does your own name in my voice echo in your ears?
Or does my silence strike your eardrums?
Do I appear in your favourite attires?
Or do I appear in the outfit you last saw me in?
Do you ever see me walking with you?
Or do you see me sitting beside you?

I'd been always asking you since I myself don't remember
and kept asking since then till I was with you.
Now if I'd ever get chance to ask you anything again,
could I get the answers now; please?

I've a lot more questions apart from these,
Maybe those appear interesting?
Maybe those appear meaningful?
Maybe these appear important to you
atleast now, for this last time?
Maybe these get answered?
Maybe, this time you'd care to answer?
All this time, your mouth never uttered answers,
And now, even if it would,
would they enter my ears?

Do you see me coming towards you?
Or do you see my face when you used to wave bye?
Does my love appear in flashback-
if you miss me?
Or do my cries make you deaf,
if you ever really miss me?

Before my writing hand too rests in peace,
let me tell you a way to answer.
Can't let you do struggle to find it,
if you'd ever care to answer this time!
Just write it on a paper
and keep it at 'our' place.
Don't come to keep it at my grave,
you're still my precious secret.

Everybody knew I loved someone so much
but nobody knew it was you whom this passionate love was for!
I never wanted anyone's black eye on you,
how can I let you enter my black graveyard, ever?

As I've taken permission from angels
to write just one letter,
I'd ask them again to permit my soul
just to get your answers, if any.
I sold my dead body to devils
to get my first permission.
To visit our place for geting the answers,
I'll sell my bruised soul to devils.
I just don't wanna come back empty-handed,
Please, answer these for the first and the last time!

Do you hear I Love You drenched in my happiness?
Or do you hear the same when I begged you to stay?
Do you hear my first Hello everytime they meet you?
Or do you miss my Take Care when they say 'Bye'?
Do you feel me beside you staring at moon?
Or do you see me closing my eyes while lightning?
Do you see me sobbing over my sprained ankles?
Or do you see me in tears while applying ointment on yours?
Do you see me in somebody eating french fries?
Or do you see me in somebody refraining from noodles?

Listen, this is the last time I want answers,
I'd never come back to you, I promise.
Just let me know if I ever cross your mind,
Just let me know if I ever stayed in your heart!

Do you see me blushing in your imagination?
Or do you see my face with lifeless expression?
Do you see me drenched in sweat in summers?
Or do you see blood flowing through my face?
Do you see me covered in fluffy blankets in winter?
Or do you see me wrapped in that beautiful shroud?
Do you see me shivering when afraid?
Or do you see me rigid when they shook me to wake me up?

I'm scared to return empty-handed
and become more of it after every question I'm asking.
You always said I'm strong enough to handle anything,
Listen, getting no answers from you was always an exception.

I'd always hugged you whenever your eyes asked,
You'd always wondered how I could just read your eyes.
You never hugged me even once when I wanted,
If you would ever had, I'd have shattered in your arms!

I know if you didn't feel to answer even this time,
you'd just say you never got any flashblacks.
Oh Sorry, but I just can't let you do it this time,
So, I'll just ask something else too.
I know you hardly found time to read this
and answering all these wouldn't fit in your ideal schedule.

By the way, congratulations, you wouldn't be busy anymore,
or say, won't have to pretend to be, anymore.
Now don't feel guilty if I tell you,
I've always known how much time you spend with them.

Give the time you used to give me to your hectic schedule,
I hope adding few minutes to it makes it less hectic for you!

I'd have waited for these answers too till eternity,
But I won't have anything for devils after my body and soul!
Yes, I've this intense passionate love with me,
and in exchange, devils would even give my life back.

But fortunately or unfortunately,
I'd promised to you I'd never love anyone this way ever!
I'm not sure if my promises mean anything after my death,
Yours didn't matter even when I was alive.

Don't worry if you still don't feel to answer anything,
I'll never curse you even if you declare that I betrayed you!
Everyone's heart knows the dense intensity of my love,
Be it mine, yours or even the devils', in case they have hearts.
Listen, I don't know if I'm gonna get my answers or not,
I'm unaware if I'll return empty-handed this last time too!

I just want you to know despite knowing all your lies,
I've always loved you with all my truths.
Despite collecting pieces of your broken promises,
I've fulfilled all my promises you don't even remember.
I'd never let you do any efforts for me
and kept working to make you feel special.

I've lost my urge to get the answers,
you know very well how my love crawls over my urges.
This is the soul reason why my urges didn't ever last long.
Neither the one getting to spend a day with you, lasted.
Nor getting wrapped in your arms, lasted.

Unlike me, my urges never died.
They just got buried alive under my stubborn love.

People say you don't deserve my love at all,
as they see it unconditional, stupid, passionate and what not.
I don't know what's so special in 'my' love,
I'd always understood 'love' this way only.

Okay, listen, my hand just got only a few moments left,
So no more questions, of course, but yeah,
If you don't wish to answer, it's Okay.
That's what I've always said to you; It's Okay!

Just come at 'our' place at least once,
Yes, as always, it's just 'you' I wish for, at last.
Just come wearing my favourite t-shirt?
Oh No, you wouldn't remember, the purple one, Okay?

Earlier, I'd just wished to get back here with answers,
Now, I'll just click a photograph of you by myself
to fill my hands while leaving 'our' place forever!
I'll try to find my answers in your eyes,
and can look into them till eternity without any blinks in between.

These devils are so kind to me seeing my love,
that they've given me one more day to wait.
But still they are devils anyway;
would definitely take my soul after that day.

Please make it just for this last time,
Just come at our place, atleast one last time?
I'll want no answers, infact not even that purple t-shirt now.
And hey, know? Tears come after death too, just realised!

You just come and touch anything belonging to me,
If you'd miss me by all your heart in any single moment,
I'll leave all my passionate love in that thing you'd touch,
even if that's for the very first time you'd ever missed me!

I still am the same person even after death,
and you're your third version in your same damn life!
The urge to get answers got buried alive, again,
and the promises I made are still being kept,
including, this love won't belong to anyone else ever,
even if my own soul is to be given for protecting this love.

Just come and touch any of my belonging
and my love will act as your shield forever.
And if you don't mind, just think about the answers,
I'll know by myself just as I used to know when to hug you;
So, what do you see in flashback-
if you miss me?
How I come into your imagined scenerios-
if you ever really miss me?

~Miss V