just once

chapter 1

"Will you marry me May?" The words slipping out of Yoosungs turned me icy. We were in front of everyone at the party and all eyes were glued on me as I hesitated.
I wanted to run. But running would ruin my reputation. It would confirm something I wasn't ready to ever admit.
"Yes." I whisper. Yoosungs face flooded with relief and he smiled, slipping the ring onto my finger. He stood up and kissed me and I felt regret flooding through me. I knew she was watching. I knew this hurt her. So why did I say yes?
"I love you MC," yoosung smiled at me.
"Love you too," I mumbled as he pulled me out to mingle with the party guests. "Do you mind if I have drinks with Jaehee tonight? I wanna celebrate this with her."
"Of course. But I thought you two didn't like each other?" Yoosung smiled at each guest.
"I wanna make it right again," I sigh. "The fight we had was so dumb and I honestly don't remember what it was other than I was in the wrong." I lied. I knew exactly what happened down to each cold word.
"Girl drama? I thought men had it bad but nothing like you guys since its been three years,"He frowned.
"This one wasn't drama," I snap.
"Hey I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that," he looked at me and kissed my head. I just shrugged.
"I didn't mean to get defensive," I mumbled.
"I shouldn't have assumed. Now let's have fun," he smiled and kissed my lips
We continued to walk around from guest to guest until we got to Saeran and Seven.
"Congratulations! I'm so happy for you both," seven smiled. Saeran looked at me then behind me, looking confused.
"I thought you and jaehee-" saeran started.
Before he could finish I put my hand over his mouth.
"You had something on your mouth," I lie, wiping my hand on my skirt, giving saeran a look. He nodded without a word.
"See I told him and he thought I was fucking with him to be a dick,"seven huffed.
"Maybe cause you are?" Yoosung laughed.
"Seven. I mean this as a best friend. But you are the biggest douche when it comes to pranking people," I smile. "But I better get going if I wanna catch jaehee before she leaves. Yoosung if I get drunk I'll text to let you know I'm staying with her."
"Have fun however girls do and be safe," he smiles. Saerans eyes were wide as I did, a look of both knowing and surprise.

I walked off through the crowd looked for Jaehee, finally finding her speaking to jumin.
"Mind if I steal your assistant Mr.Han?" I smile warmly at him.
"Go ahead. Congratulations," jumin nods. I ignore his comment and fake a smile at jaehee.

"Celebrate with alcohol tonight?" Jaehee looks down and nods extending her hand to me. I take it and lead her outside. "Local bar or just pick something from the local store?"

"I have a lot of rather strong drinks at home. The expensive kind that Mr. Han gave me a few days ago," jaehee says.
"Perfect. I'll drive," I lead her to my car and we ride in silence until I can't stand it. "Can you say something?"
"After three years of avoiding me why ask for me to let you in now?" She sighs.
"I don't know. I want you back in my life. I want to make you smile again. And I don't know if I'm gay," I park in from of her apartment complex. "And if I am I'm not ready to admit it."

Jaehee and I had been close since I joined the RFA. But most of our relationship was never open to the rest. Yoosung asked me out days after jaehee had admitted she was bisexual. I said yes and now jaehee and I barely speak unless it's professionally now.

Until tonight.

"You can't marry someone if you don't love them May," jaehee sighed and got out. I followed and before I knew it I was in jaehees apartment.

"I see there's no cat hair," I laugh.

"Don't even get me started," she groaned and grabbed two bottles of vodka, handing one to me. "Mr.Han is keeping me supplied since its my favorite brand you can drink straight from it." She opens her own bottle and takes a drink from it.

"Rich boss perk?" I giggle and drink as much as I can handle at once.

"Rich boss necessity," she shrugged. "You ignored what I said earlier."

"What am I supposed to say?" I sigh. "That when we have alcohol is the only time I let myself realize that I wanna kiss you? That when I'm drunk I let myself imagine everything I've done with Yoosung but with you?" I take another drink and realize how close jaehee was sitting and turn pink.

"I want you to stop hiding," jaehee cups my cheek. "I care for you and even if my intent is slightly selfish I hate seeing you unhappy. Especially with someone who controls you."

"I'm not hiding," I mumble,looking at jaehees lips.

"Then how come you're staring at my lips?" She whispered.

"Because you're so close," I huff.

"Fine. Give me one night. One night and we'll blame it on alcohol if you don't like it," jaehee whined.

"No," I scoot back, mind foggy. "I love Yoosung, jaehee."

"Just once," there were tears in jaehees eyes as she looked at me when I pulled away. "I know you love him. But could you love me just once? Just tonight."

I melt, and kiss her gently, feeling warmth and comfort filling my body. The sensation is better than when I kiss him.

Kissing jaehee was like drinking fresh water after only having salt water for years. It was like waking up for the first time and not realizing I was ever asleep until now.

"Bedroom," jaehee says and finishes her bottle, walking off to it. I hadn't realized I was but I had jaehees shirt unbuttoned to her bellybutton.

I nod and send Yoosung a quick message and finish my own bottle, following her to her room.

The rest of the night is a blur, but the sensations are burned into my memory like a scar. I remember every kiss, every touch, every pleasure spike. It was better than anything I've ever experienced in my 23 years.

When I woke up I was in jaehees arms, still foggy from everything the night before.

"Good morning," she smiled and kissed my head.

"Good morning," I pull away from her and sit up. "I hate that you were right."

"Why hate what you can't control?" She shrugged and handed me my phone. "Yoosung called." I take the phone and nod.

"I hate it because I can't be gay," I sigh, sending yoosung a text about being okay. "My parents would disown me and I would be making the RFA look bad. I would make you look bad."

"I don't care about my reputation," jaehee sighs rubbing my back before getting up and putting clothes on. "I'm an assistant. No one cares about me no matter who I work for."

"Okay. I'll tell Yoosung eventually," I huff. "But for now can we keep us a secret?"

"You want us to continue. Meaning what we did last night?"

"Yeah," I smile. "It'll be our little secret."