Darkness and Beauty (The Fated Series, #1)

Chapter 18 - Fauna - Day Two of Lies

You put yourself in this position, you idiot.
"Be my fake lover."
"What could go wrong?"
Oh, I don't know. How about the fact that the Gods dammed Queen would find out and insist that Darius and I now share a room? How about that!
But "Oh come on, it'll be fun."
Is this fun, Darius? Because to me, it sounds like the plan is getting a bit out of hand, buddy!
Another one of my blades was embedded in the wood. The entire cabinet is now filled with thin, small gashes. Back at the House of Jade, there are plenty of walls in the house that have been at the mercy of my anger. Every time I do so my father makes me do pull-ups or pushups until my arms gave out and I couldn't even pick up a pencil. Gods am I happy he's not here to see this. He'd make me do pull-ups, pushups, crunches, squats, wall sits...pretty much any debilitating exercise you could think of. 
I turn to start yelling at Darius, but he's not there. Last I saw him he was standing in the doorway scared that I'd throw a knife at him, but now the door is shut and there's no sign of where Darius went. Tired and angry I turn to go get him and drag him down here when I notice my bedroom door is slightly open. Yanking my knives from the scarred wood, I quietly approach the bedroom and peek in.
Oh for the love of the Gods.
Already tangled in the sheets and fast asleep in my bed, Darius looks like he has no problem making himself feel at home. Then again, this is his tower. Still, it's not like I've been up throwing knives that long-
Ding. Ding.
The temple bell rings twice. It's two in the fucking morning.
Shit.
I've been massacring the wall. For three. Hours. At least that explains why my arms hurt more than usual.
Sighing, I toss the knives on the trunk at the end of the bed and sit on the linen chair because there is no way in ten hells that I am sleeping in the same bed as Darius. Not only would Lance scorn and slap me for it, but my father might actually kill me. I mean he'd be surprised at first, but furious in the end. He did assign me to Darius so that something like this could be possible, but I still don't think he anticipated it happening so soon, and he sure as shit didn't mean it in the literal sense.
I toss my feet over the arm of the chair and begin pulling the pins out of my hair. Gods, I am tired. Not physically tired, but mentally exhausted. The events of today feel like they've aged me a few years. I do have to give my father some very past-due credit. Our plan we made today doesn't feel as reassuring as when my father made it. We had a dozen safety nets, a dozen more alternatives, half a dozen small codes in cipher we would speak if there was an emergency, and way too many details and things to remember to count. It's no wonder my father looks like Merlin from the childhood tales. If I were my father, I'd start telling people to figure shit out themselves and move to the coast.
Gods what I'd give to feel the sand between my toes and the salted wind on my face. More than anything in the world I sometimes wish that I was raised in a small hut of the Seaside Cliffs. No worries, no training...no killing.
I used to dream of it as a child. Mom would be making fish sticks for lunch while Lance and I swim in the sea, father fixing up the boat that's been broken countless times thanks to our recklessness. We'd play all day and fall asleep under the stars, our only fear of the coast cold. Father would teach us how to ride the waves and mother how to weave baskets with coconut palm tree leaves.
Every time I'm alone or in need of some sort of cheering up, I think of what a life like that would feel like. After all the horrors of my past, I've learned that clinging to something entirely impossible is better than clinging to something possible. If you fall in love then that's just someone for your enemies to hunt and torture to get to you. If you build a home, then they burn it down and watch you crumble. If you get attached to something that doesn't and couldn't exist, then they can't take it away or use it to make you do anything.
"Love brings pain, and pain causes corruption."
I've always thought my father was a wise man, but I believe all that wisdom comes from firsthand experience. Just thinking about all the advice he's given me makes me shiver imagining what had to happen for him to learn those lessons. Though I do know the situation that brought out this one. A little too well if you ask me.
Turning my head to look at Darius, I know that we could never be more than what we are now. I've had my lessons learned with Will and Rose, and I don't need more. Lance, my father, and Mary are the only people I've allowed myself to love after Will. It's been almost two years and he's still managing to affect my life. Maybe that's why I agreed to do this. Will has destroyed my life in ways I didn't know could be done, so why not do something to prove to him that he can't control me? Or convince me that I'm not as changed by his actions as I believe myself to be.
My thoughts begin to crumble together as I feel my hand fall from my hair, and my eyelids drift shut.