A Thousand Years

Chapter 14

Suman's Point of View

I splashed cold water onto my face and looked in the mirror. I gently traced the scars on my face. A couple months after I left Shravan, during a mission I was caught in a fire. I suffered major burns on half my body and underwent multiple rounds of skin grafting. I still remember when I held my little baby, Sagar for the first time after the accident and he screamed seeing my face. He was terrified of me and didn't even recognize his own mother. I was tired of seeing the horrified looks people gave me when I went out in public. Was I nothing more than my face?

Soon, my burns healed but they left behind scars. I found it hard to look at myself in the mirror and still feel the same. But, I was the most affected when I met Anish after our divorce was finalized. He handed me a wedding card. I turned over the maroon card and in big gold letters it said: Naina weds Shravan. Apparently, Devika's brother-in-law was somehow related to Naina so they were invited to the wedding that would take place in a week. My hands trembled and my vision got blurry. I tried to be happy for Shravan that he was finally moving on in life. But, the little hope in my heart that Shravan and I would be together one day broke. Anish smirked, "Looks like even Shravan couldn't love you with that face".

Shravan's love was much deeper than that and my scars wouldn't matter to him, right? But, what was the point of asking that now when he would be someone else's husband. Sagar was still scared of me and it broke my heart everytime he cried seeing my face. That day I decided that I would leave Sagar with Maa and join a Regiment outside of Bhopal. I don't know why I made this decision. Maybe, I was trying to run away from my memories...or myself. I had promised the army that I wouldn't take a single day off in the next five years. But, I had never thought that Maa would have passed away suddenly and I would miss her funeral. Still, I did not regret exchanging those three months I was with Shravan for those five years. For him, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Since I was always travelling for missions, Sagar couldn't live with me so he lived briefly with Kancha and then Anish. I never called Sagar or sent him letters. I didn't know what to say to him. I would hope that he would forget my face and wouldn't see me as a monster anymore. There isn't anything worse than your own child being scared of you. I know that I was a bad mother and missed out his childhood but now I had a chance to fix things. Kancha convinced me to leave the army when these five years ended and to bring Sagar back to Bhopal to live with me. It was a tough decision but Kancha made me realize that my son needed me because he didn't have anyone else. I would always say "country first" but I left the army for my son.

I hate to say this but I was disappointed when I met Sagar. He was nothing like how I had imagined him. I couldn't believe he was my son. He was so undisciplined and rude. He calls me by my name instead of mom but I understand his anger. He usually keeps to himself and doesn't talk to me. The only time we bonded was when we played badminton together. I was quite surprised by his skills. When I asked where he learned to play, he smiled at me for the first time and said he learned from his coach. His coach seems to be an important person to him. Every day after school, he always talks to his coach and it's the only time I hear him laugh. Whoever this person was, I wanted to thank him from the bottom of my heart for bringing out Sagar's laughter that I yearned to hear for years.

I broke out of my thoughts as my alarm rang. I looked outside the window over at Shravan's old room even though he didn't live there anymore. A new family had moved in but old habits die hard. No matter how hard I try, I can't forget him. I hope he's doing well in life with Naina. I went downstairs to prepare breakfast and called Sagar down but he didn't answer. I went upstairs to find his room empty and started panicking. What if he ran away? I quickly ran back down and went to go look for him. But, that's when I saw him climbing a ladder on the side of the house trying to sneak back into his room. "Sagar! What are you doing? Come down here!" His eyes widened as he had been caught. I looked down at his drenched clothes and asked, "Why are your clothes wet?"