Stay. ~ [COMPLETED]

I asked him to stay

Rantaro P.O.V

Korekiyo was a hallucination. Nothing but that. I'm so stupid. Stupid for believing there was actually anybody who'd be there for me, someone that would actually accompany me without ill will. I know now. I'm crazy. I hallucinate. But.. what happened to me..? What was happening all these years then..? I didn't want to believe it. Korekiyo.. he's real, he has to be. Or... I just have to deal with it. Deal with the fact that I'm mad, not in the right place, deal with the fact that Korekiyo was never real. 

So I just had to.. deal with the fact that he is gone? 

Please come back. 

《ⓖⓞⓞⓓ》

It was a kind of love that made me so weak. A kind of love that could make me feel as if I was on top of the world, my problems only becoming minute and irrelevant. But it wasn't love if he didn't exist. Korekiyo was a figment of my imagination, somebody I wanted but could never truly have. Never in my wildest dreams. There is screaming in my heart. A heavy pain. Shouting. Cursing. Screaming. I want it to stop. I want it all to stop, to end. Please, please, just make everything end. I felt as if my life had little to no meaning. The person I was living for, just gone. So was there a point? Was there a point to it all?

My father had explained it all. I understood, but I did not want to believe. 

"You hallucinate. You have visual and auditory hallucinations. You can see and hear things that were never there. Perhaps that's where you developed this.. persona. One that would look after you in a way nobody ever did. It was what you wanted to see and hear. I suppose it acted as a coping mechanism for you. After your siblings were pronounced dead.. you wouldn't stop looking. They found evidence of their death, and you were devastated. Destroyed, even. 

Rantaro, you are valid. And I know I was not always there for you but I am. If you need me, you can talk to me. You aren't crazy, it's not your fault. It was never your fault."

《ⓑⓨⓔ》

I could not think logically. My thoughts were clouded. All I wanted was to remember. Even if he was never real, I want to remember. The way I felt like I was being comforted, kind words, his understanding of my situation. My classmates must think I'm crazed.. sitting alone and talking to myself. Wandering off, laughing to nobody in particular. How many times did I say his name? How many times did I mention him? Is.. that why Kaede would always ask if I were okay? Did everybody know except me? No.. I knew. I'm sure it's just because.. I never wanted to acknowledge it. 

I want to remember, please. Just a small something I can take on with me, trying to move on. Even if nothing was real, I want to remember him. When people say 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' is a bunch of bullshit. When you love and lose, what do you do when you lose them? Just have that heavy emptiness of it all stuck on your chest? Everything that could've happened? I think.. It would've been better if I had never experienced love at all. But here I am, stuck. Trying to remember a hallucination. Maybe the jelly beans are working. His laugh.. his eyes..

What were his eyes like again..?

《Ⓡⓐⓝⓣⓐⓡⓞ》

Uncivilised Author's Note:

OKAY I HATE THIS CHAPTER SO F-ING MUCH I DO APOLOGISE BECAUSE THIS IS HELLA SHORT THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE 1000-2000 WORDS I PROMISE I'LL TRY NOT TO LET YOU GUYS DOWN. And I swear I'm trying, not to whip out excuses or anything, but school's being a bitch ;-;