Cut

Chapter 3

I'm like madly inlove with this book I hope you guys like it to :)

_______"well I'd rather that she didn't swear" Debbie address this comment Claire.
"Why don't you look at me" Tiffany said "why don't you say Tiffany I don't like when you say crap could you please watch your goddamn mouth"
Tara giggles Sydney tries not to Debbie's mouth stretches into thin smile and her chin starts to quiver I wipe my palms on my jeans.
"I know you all hate me because I'm not like the rest of you" she says the effort of trying not to cry is making her face very red.
"I don't hate you" Becca says craning her neck up towards Debbie.
"Don't know about the rest of you but I want to graduate" Debbie says "I don't want to just sit around here listening to people complain about the rotten childhoods"
Tiffany lifts her Palms to the ceiling, charade for "I give up."
"Anyone care to comment?" Claire says.
I hold very still players talk for body language biting your nails means you want to talk leaning forward means you want to talk leaning back means you want to talk I don't move Sydney clears her throat "I don't care if we talk about my visit "she says.
People exhale.
"My mom kept spritzing her mouth with Bianca but she'd had a couple pops before she got here my dad kept checking his watch and making calls and his self from my sister sat there doing her math homework."
The formula for converting Fahrenheit into Celsius enters my head uninvited.
I try to calculate what 110 degrees Fahrenheit equals in Celsius.
"For my family..." Sydney taps the end of a pen, flicking an imaginary ash off the end of her imaginary cigarette.
"....that's quality time."
People laugh, a little to hard.
"How did you feel when they were here?" Claire says.
"Fine" the smile on Sydney's face wilts slightly. "I mean, it's just like home."
This is a joke. No one laughs. Sydney's surveys the group. "Look I have a strategy, why expect anything? If you don't expect anything you don't get disappointed."
Tara raises her hand. "Were you?"
"Disappointed?"
Sydney still looks lost.
"I mean I hope you don't take this the wrong way," Tara says, "but a minute ago you accused Debbi's of pretending not to be pissed. Well I think maybe you're pissed. At your mom and your dad and your sister." Tara sinks back in her chair; she gets tired just talking.
"I'm not mad at my sister," Sydney says " it's not her fault I mean how would you like to spend your Saturday afternoon with bunch of freaks?"
She claps I hand over her mouth "no offense or anything I mean we spend all our time with freaks but that's different we are freaks"
A couple people laugh
Sydney goes on "I don't care about my mom I mean what do you expect? that she'd wait till she got out of here for happy hour? Yeah right, but my dad..."
I unfold and refilled my arms across my chest bad move Claire noticed lucky ily Sydney keeps talking.
"I don't know he's not really good at stuff like that..."
Sydney wrings the hem of her sweater your hands are really shaky now she laughs, sort of and then with no warning she's crying "I'm not pissed" she says " it's just......I don't know, disappointed."
I I squeezed my arms to my chest and feel embarrassed for Sydney, The way I used to in grade school when someone would wet their pants. I hate groups. people always end up saying things that make me the pathetic. "At least they came," since Tiffany "my dad didn't even show."
Something else comes to mind uninvited it's an image of dead walking up the side will convincing day is in stuffed in his jacket, his head tucked down against the wind I tap on the window in the reception room. He glances up and I see that he has glasses and a red face and he's not my dad at all he's someone else's that I go back to memorizing the cars in the parking lot.
"How do you feel about that" Claire says to Tiffany.
"Screw him that's how I feel."

Across and re-crossed my arms.
Claire pounces "Callie,"
At the sound of my name he closes in on me I squint my eyes like I'm trying to make it something totally focusing in on the parking lot and think brown,white, white, blue,beige, i lose my place and have to start over.
"Callie" Chaires not giving up, "do you want to tell us about your closet yesterday"?
There's a fly cock between the window and the screen he seems sort of surprised each time he bangs into the glass but he just staggers away, then Rams into the glass again.
"Chllie"
I pull a curtain of my hair down in front of my eyes and wait. After a while someone from the other side of the circle starts talking.
I can't really make out what she's saying though. all I hear is the zzzzzzzt-zzzzzzt of the fly banging into the window.

___________
I know this is pretty short but I have a 5 day weekend consign up and I'll update a lot more <3