Love Neverlasting?

It took me days, weeks, months, years even to realize I would never be able to escape from him, never be able to heal my heart from the pain he caused unknowingly, never move on to love another. We were perfect for each other, though neither of us fully realized it, and someday, maybe, my dreams wouldn't be merely dreams anymore. Why couldn't I stop loving him? He told me himself he didn't love me like that, that I was one of his best friends but nothing more. Yes, he was one of my closest friends, I could confide everything in him, and he always made me feel better, but I wanted something else. I wanted him to text me out of his own free will, to call me beautiful, to me the magical three words, "I love you." I just wanted, no, needed him to love me, to turn around and realize I was the one for him, to have a total eclipse of the heart.

The day I met him, I fell in love. His gorgeous eyes melted my insides and when he smiled at me, I knew I was a goner. Really, could any sane girl resist him, though? Oh, just thinking about him makes me smile, though I am frustrated, confused, and so incredibly mad at myself for not giving up on him, though he gave up on me. I know I'm rambling, but I can't help it. I just, I don't know, need answers and he left me with a million unfulfilled questions. We could have had it all, but now what do we have? Nothing. Friendship, but I wanted more. We almost had more, but then he messed up, because he didn't know, he didn't realize we had something, something perfect, something that made me overjoyed and happy to be alive. Now it's just a big, complicated, mud puddle, and we can't even talk the same way. We both try to not make the conversation awkward, but I don't think it's working. I ruined it for both of us, but only after he ruined it first. The day I met him, though, I fell in love, and though I tried to climb out of that pit of happiness and hate and unrequited love, I always fell down again. For years and years, whenever I knew I was going to see him, I tried to relax and tell myself I would be fine, but when he walked in the room, my stomach exploded with butterflies and I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face. We'd talk, and the conversation would grow deep instantly, and I'd think, "See? This is perfect. Why doesn't he see it, though? Why can't he see it?" Oh, that boy puts so many feelings in my heart: happiness, love, confusion, complication, memories, and friendship. No matter what happens to us, I know I will always love him, my special boy. Whether it is a love of friendship, or an eternal love, I will always love him with all of my heart and soul.

I suppose I should introduce myself before I go further. My name is Sheila Rae Morella, I am 16 years old, and I am Irish, though I don't look it. I have long, thick brown hair; blue-green-gray eyes that I'm told are stunning, and I'm extremely tiny. I'm also an extremely complicated person. My mind goes a million miles an hour, my mouth goes a million miles an hour, and I change opinions so fast I never know what I want or need. I guess I'm smart, but I don't always feel smart, and I put way too much pressure on myself. I need to run, even though I'm not fast, but running, I don't know, just clears my head and makes me feel better. Music also makes me feel better. Alright, enough about me, back to my story.

So anyway, my story officially starts the fall of my sophomore year. That was the year I began my diary. Here is my tale of despair and love.