Dear, Quarantine Diary

Pandemic of feelings

Dear quarentaine diary, for me these days seem to be running. So fast, that sometimes I've lost the notion. I know he is leaving marks as he passes. Yes, he and not it. I have learned that we usually use he and she even if isn't a person, with animals, for example, because we have established a deeper relationship with them. We have established a deeper relationship with time these days. We stopped but he keept running and now all of us are in isolation and avoiding contact with other people we see him passing by and our wish is to run with him. At the beginning of quarentaine I wished to run with him, doing many things during the day to follow him and to feel satisfied. I was anxious and I was eating nonstop. I was frustrated, I couldn't do a lot of things just in one day. I keept walking and not running. I felt afraid for my family and for everyone. I was afraid about my freedom to smile in the street could never come back and all of this situation would never be over

The numbers,that isn't numbers and actually people reduced to a numerical sequence, only increased and the left zero has soon changed to the right:

Deaths.

Deaths.

Deaths.

Deaths.

Then, somebody asked me a question. What a strange question for someone that has only looked in one side of the coin:

How many recovered are there? Silence. I didn't know. The death didn't consume me, but I did of it my only meal of the day. The two sides of the coin matters, it's no use choosing heads or tails. Dead or alive, young or old. The harmony of opposites are shouting for the end. You can think in 2455905 people, families, son, daughter, mother,father,uncle,aunt,cousin,grandfather, grandmother{...} infected? And in 1667667 recorded? 88017 deaths? All it is a big domino effect and nobody leaves unharmed. It's too much pain, realif, hope, hopeless, anxiety and fight against time. Lacking of sense and love won a new definition: little flu. Yes, so many empty words, unable to fill in a blank space there is in the world.

Still about the other side of the coin, I didn't feel just negative emotional symptoms. Then I said to myself: it is enough! I started filtering what the media was spreding: Caos. Feeling of powerlessness. Fear. Spreding despair as whom it's running from side(tik) to side(tok),from side(tik) to side(tok),from side(tik) to side(tok),from side(tik) to side(tok),from side(tik) to side(tok), from sidSTOP! Silence. What is he saying? Nothing. Finally calm and peace. Then, I realized I couldn't control the things outside me, but I could control my own self. I saw in the caos opportunity to do friendship with someone I usually saw from a certain distance, that I used to change some words, but I had never called him to enter. In quarantine I opened the door and I recevied him. I took my mask of indifference, I didn't wash my hands, insted of it I needed to took my sandals, the presence was holy. When I saw it, I was already undressed of my carnality, I was only in spirit. Jesus had entered to comply quarantine in me.