Short Stories & Tall Tales

KILLING TIME AT THE BODLEIAN

"Well here I am...alone at last."

The satisfying click of the door told its own story. Locked inside one of the world's greatest libraries, I felt a glow of anticipation. I vaulted one of the security barriers and switched on the lights. Nothing! So far so predictable, chaps. I switched on my pencil torch and made my way up the creaky wooden stairwell. With my knapsack over one shoulder, I took the steps two at a time as the stairwell doglegged up to the Lower Reading Room, a regular port of call.

I pushed through the doors and lit my way past ranks of four-in-a-row desk units between floor-to-ceiling bookcases lining every wall. I could hear them chattering: the world's most influential philosophers, Kant, Wittgenstein, Russell, Sartre...and a hundred unknown souls, at least to me, nine tiers of knowledge and genius.

Once the centre of collegiate life as both school and library, the Main Bodleian is a horseshoe on two floors at the back of Wren's Sheldonian Theatre.

I plonked my coat and bag down on one of the desks at the back of the theology section, looking down the long central space that joined the philosophy wing to sections on Classical Latin and Greek. I flashed the torch over my night-time companions: saints, sinners, prophets, sages and seers, church fathers and OT and NT studies, not forgetting the Apocrypha, and as many points of view as authors.

I did a supply check, emptying my knapsack loudly onto the desk.

"Spare battery, coffee flask, notebook and pen, and a sandwich. No phone...strictly no phones!"

I announced each one, my voice deadened in the cloistered air. The silence was almost tangible. And yet, once attuned, I realised the whole place creaked like an old ship, cracking timbers, leather bindings and hundreds of thousands of tons of paper adjusting to the drop in temperature.

The idea of locking me into the Bodleian all night was the product of an evening's bravado and, alas, too much whiskey. So you think you're good, do you? Crossword solving? What if you had to solve them? What if your life depended on it? An idea came to the Prof...a night in the Bodleian, an institution we all knew well, and with only a set of clues to get us out. We would take turns setting them from which the lucky incumbent would work out the combination to the exit keypad. What could be easier, just you and 12 million books? Gauntlets were thrown and, to mix metaphors, I drew the short straw and the letter left in my locker gave me a place to start.

"Dear theologian ... begin 'in the beginning.....'"

So where would a theologian begin? I swung the beam of my flashlight across the library and shadows flew back like scattering crows. 'In the beginning' can only be Genesis. I stood up and played the beam over the section to my right, located the steel steps, tugged them over, locked the wheels and clambered up. Five rows of Genesis! But I didn't need to look in every book because there it was, protruding from between two tomes, a folded sheet of college paper,Talk about spoon-feeding me.! I was triumphant, nonetheless.

"Yes, ...so it begins my friends... so it begins."

Up on the ladder, I unfolded the sheet.

"Well done, young man. Only four more to go and you can go home...or not! First clue: Build sleazy pope a car and blow (4,10.3). Good luck, your cryptic pals."

Back at my desk, it was eyes down. At first glance, build could mean anagram for the next 14 letters preceding, and blow, the three letter word, which I presumed was the author. The Z was curious. Let's start with the assumption they will indulge me once more. Bible books containing Z. Ezekiel...no k, Zephaniah...no h, Zechariah...still no h, Ezra...yes Ezra, four letters. Take EZRA from SLEAZY POPE A CAR to leave SLYPOPEACA. I played with it in my notebook. Apocalypse. EZRA APOCALYPSE by who...three letters meaning blow, land a blow or wind...land a blow might by box, box one's ears! I flashed the torch around and saw it. Ezra Apocalypse by GH Box. I tugged the threadbare authority off the shelf and flicked through to find another sheet.