I've been told I was whinny the past few days.. it didn't make me feel good. I walked to my room, turned off the lights, and laid on my bed thinking. "What if..." is always haunting me for everything I do. I feel so bratty.. I don't try to be. My voices kept telling me how stupid I am, what a failure I am, etc. I don't know how to take this.. the only thing I do know is that my personality is becoming worse by the day.
"Stupid"
"Useless"
"Bratty"
"Fat"
"You should kill yourself."
The voices kept taunting me... I already have over 50 scars on my thighs alone plus the 8+ times I stabbed myself on my thighs... not enough to bleed out, but just to hurt. It still says it's not enough.. I really don't want anything to do with myself anymore. At certain places on my thighs I can't feel anymore from cutting multiple times on the same spot... and I can never wear shorts nor a bathing suit by itself again... the scars a constant reminder of my stupid. I don't understand.. what's wrong with me?
Why do I continue to live?
-July 26, 2020
