Most of the time I'm restless, always itching for something to do. Be it reading "X Reader's" or going outside for a walk or to chop wood blacks with a broken old machete that still lives on. But this peacefulness is over me like a warm fuzzy blanket in the middle of a winter storm and I do enjoy it.
But since my reading list is filled with "X Reader's" and I don't feel like reading them, I'm at a lost of what to do. Writing on here helps a lot and gets things out that I would never say in public and that makes me grateful I started this story and found this app.
YouTube isn't an option because the videos are loud and I'm not in the mood for noise right now.
Tik Tok gives me the vibe of 'energetic' but I only want to soak up this peace I'm feeling.
That leaves me with one option, which is sleeping. Of course, that comes with its own downfalls since once I'm asleep I probably won't wake up til after dinner but that's the only bad thing.
Any ideas on things you guys do to pass your free time? I'd like to know if you're willing to share.
These thoughts are always jumping from one thought to another, but they're thoughts. It's what they do. And as I've mentioned before, I'm glad to write them down here.
This book is like my secret garden. It's filled with dandelions and sunflowers, roses with thorns, lilacs and four' o clocks, It's beautiful. By you guys reading these, you're walking through my secret garden and gazing at the different flowers. It makes me happy because I've given you guys permission to look, and you did. Of course, with all that beauty there's a bad side to my garden.
This part of the garden contradicts the beautiful, light-hearted, flowery scent of the other part of the garden. This part has air so suffocating it's hard to breathe, it's gloomy, and... dead. This part of the garden has dead trees and flowers, weeds and bugs, snakes and venus-fly traps. I try to fix this garden. Of course the people who want to see this part have, and have watched me go from place to place trying to fix it. When I do fix something, I try to take it to the other part of the garden, where it will live again. But it doesn't always happen..
This garden as a whole is my good and bad thoughts. The good side of the garden is obviously my good thoughts, and the bad side is the bad thoughts. I tend to stay on the bad side for too long sometimes and it results in me suffocating from all the bad things. It brings me to my knees, and I slowly start to put myself into a ball, begging for air but only receiving pollution instead. Eventually I'll find a way to crawl myself out of there and be ok. The closer I get to the good part, the more I can breathe. However, I don't seem to learn because after being on the light side for a while, I find myself on the dark side once again. Of course while I'm there I do try to fix it, but it's a cycle that repeats over and over again that I can't seem to get out of, but am oddly content with it despite the pain. It's weird, my thoughts are. They are only a part of the maze in my mind.
But I guess the weirder part is that, while writing this, I'm still oddly at peace. I didn't think I would be, but I'm grateful nonetheless. Thanks for taking the time to read these, I know they aren't too terribly interesting but I'm glad you do. :)
-July 26, 2020
