The rain only falls at midnight

3AM

I wake up around three AM feeling restless and alive, my nerves are on edge and I can't shake this feeling.

There is a burning at the pit of my stomach that haunts me every time I try to sleep. I don't understand what it is, it's not an emotion I can describe. It sorta feels like a void slowly sucking away my breath or pulling my vitals organs from there comfy little spot.

I have gotten used to this feeling but tonight it's stronger, kicking me from the inside making itself known. Overwhelmed with the never ending abyss of emotions I reach for my waterbottle and chug everything left inside. Instead of acknowledging my emptiness I fill myself with a gallon of water and pretend the void has been filled.

I breathe and as my stomach expands a river of chills floods my senses. It's gonna take more than day old water to get over this one.

I crumple my shoulders and pull my knees close to my chest. A memory I thought was locked away deep in my mind Has decided to join me tonight. The muscles in my back begin to tighten and force all of the air in my lungs out. I inhale and feel my jaw bones clench as my teeth bite down on my lower lip.

I am trying my best to fight this memory. Using every distraction and weapon I have against it. But sleepless nights and stomach voids don't make for a strong defense line.

Finally the memory wins and I watch as the worst moment in my life poisons my soul once again.