BANG! True Love

BANG!

"ABM! DID YOU KNOW THAT CLOSING YOUR EYES IS BEST AND WORST" Our professor started his lecture. Ano naman ang koneksyon ng pagakakaroon ng pinaka sa pagpikit lamang ng mga mata?

"closing your eyes is the best when you are happy, contented and loved"

"Now close your eyes" lahat naman kami ay sumunod sa utos ng aming professor
All I can see now is black in every corner even though I tilt my head sideways all is black, all is empty.

"imagine you are walking towards a bridge because you thought it was nice to be there. Nang marating mo ang gitna ng tulay sa sidewalk napatingin ka sa ilalim nito."

Dahan dahan ay naaninag ko ang aking sarili sa aking paningin, imaginations are amazing. Many have been crazy over doing it.

"You get delussional nang makita mong may mga taong lumalangoy sa ilog na nasa ilalim ng tulay. Nakita mo ang isang batang umiiyak pero nakangiti na tatalon sa tulay upang magdive sa ilog"

Thats weird, bakit siya ngumingiti habang tumutulo ang luha niya? Is it tears of joy?

"Dahil sa iyong kuryosidad nahumaling kang tumalon sa tulay dahil naaakit ka sa kasiyahang natatamo ng mga tao na lumalangoy."

Nainggit ako sa mga taong lumalangoy na masayang masaya para silang walang nararamdamang sakit.

"Sa pagtapak ng kanang paa mo sa railing ng tulay biglang may tumawag sa pangalan mo then you tilted your head to the side and saw your mom. She's crying and pity covered her face."

I really saw my mom. Mom i miss you. You left me so early.

"Pero sa pagtanaw mong muli sa mga taong masaya at nagkakasiyahan sa ilalim ng tulay nahumaling kang tumalon at sumali sa kasiyahang nagaganap and thinking all your worries in life you thought you deserve to be happy all along. You remembered everything you need to do to be perfect and to fit in. Naalala mo ang research niyo hindi niyo pa natatapos at deadline na sa friday. Naisip mo ang journal entries na kailangan mong ipasa next week. The adjusting journal entries na pinaghirapan mong iadjust. Ang mga kailanganing speech na ilalahad mo sa monday. You thought you deserve to be happy of all the things you are thinking and this time is the only time you have to have fun and be free of all the worries you have."

Naalala ko lahat ng kailangan kong tapusin. Parang gusto kong tumalon dahil sa huling sinabi ng professor namin.Eto na yung time na dapat magpakasaya. Time na dapat hindi pinalalagpas. Kalayaan.

"But one voice had caught your attention. Your dad calling you, trying to stop you from what's about to happen. Trying to stop you from jumping in to that river. Your dad that always oppose of what you want. You are now brave to jump off and have fun. Your dad tells you....

' if you jump off that bridge this instant you are gonna regret it. You have to experience having burdens before you have to have that happiness. Tapusin mo muna lahat ng kailangan mong tapusin bago mo bigyan ng kalayaan ang iyong sarili.'

.....but you are so desperate to jump off to have that freedom and happiness you are waiting for a long time. After all the burdens in life you wanted to be free from all of it so you decided to jump off and leave your parents behind. Now that you had your freedom and happiness in an instant while you are having fun you realized that after this freedom and happiness you will be imprisoned again. All the paperworks you need to submit. All the presentations you need to prepare off."

Naisip kong 'oo nga' kahit nakamit ko na ang kaligayahan hindi naman ito panghabambuhay na kasiyahan at kalayaan. Dahil sa totoo it's just like a break of everything. I just realized that tama ang sinabi ng tatay sa imagination na yun.

"Open your eyes, all of you. I just wanna let you know that do not just dive in easily of what will make you free and happy knowing that you still have those challenges undone. Always stick to your mind that there is more than this after you will succeed this challenge. I can be more than free and more than happy after all these challenges. Just do not settle for less. You may be wondering why I am talking all of these boring things to you. I wanna show you an example of a person who had enough of this cruel world. Atlast I am going to show you the way I take my freedom and happiness. And this is how i take my freedom and happiness. This is to show you that I love myself and this is how I give myself love."

Napasinghap ang lahat. I saw my professor's body on the floor covered with blood and on her hand a pistol that took her. Lahat kami ay hindi makapaniwala sa ginawa ng aming professor.

Halos hindi nako makahinga sa nasaksihang pagpapatiwakal ng aming professor. She is unbelievable and now tahimik lang kaming lahat habang sinisink in ang lahat ng nasaksihan. Bigla nalang sumigaw ang isa naming kaklase at sumunod and iba, karamihan sa kanila ay sumisigaw. Nakaupo lamang ako sa aking upuan di makagalaw sa nangyari.

I WAS SCARED BECAUSE THIS IS THE SAME EXACT SCENE SHE SHARED TO ME YESTERDAY. She told me that she had enough of all the rants about her. She had enough of all the sex she had shared with her abusive husband. She had enough of all the pressure her dad was giving her since she was born. She told me her mom also took her life and said the exact words she had told us a while ago. They both wanted to be free from all the pressure and forced sex they had experienced from their husbands. Worst thing is that, she's pregnant and that is why she wanted to end everything is for her child not to experience her life. But then, you have achieved your freedom Prof. Now, Rest In Peace.