Afraid to face the real world.

Comparing myself

'I love you and only you Lilliana, I would never leave your side till the day I die. I vow to cherish you with all my heart and love you till eternity.' (Beep, beep, beep) Urgh stupid alarm, and right when it was getting to the good part too. I'm mostly late to school because I dream 'too' much and this ends in my parents yelling at me. But it's holidays and they made me switch on my alarm. I don't mind the yelling, really but I hate it when I'm getting compared to my relatives or anyone in general. I know I have no right since I compare myself to other people too but you just do okay? You can't help but compare yourself to one another, thinking something like; she has pretty hair, his so strong or I wish I had her gorgeous eyes. I can't help it when you're surrounded by the people your jealous of and then you can't help but focus on your insecurities. I realise that when I'm in school.
In school I can't dream or get lost within my fantasies because school to me feels like a prison that I can't escape from. Yes I know that school is a wonderful privledge that I should thank for but I can't help it that I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!! Everyday, every single freaking day walking around with feeling like a piece of shit. Comparing yourself with countless thoughts and remembering that I should love the way I am. Hahaha enough with this bullshit I can't help but compare.
"Hey hurry up for breakfast", said mum. I know I'm coming! This isn't the normal breakfast that a family should have. Oh I forgot I didn't tell you, my family consists of four people, my father, mother and brother and of course me. It really hurts me when we don't eat and sit with each other. My parents eat together and then when they quickly finish they dance together as partners. I'm talking about ballroom, waltz and stuff. It irritates me and I'll tell you why later. As for my brother and I. We eat in our rooms, my brother watches like league of legends stuff, I watch my favourite YouTube channels! Once we're done we wash our own dishes and go back to everything. I actually am afraid to eat in front my parents or at least eat a lot infront of them. If I eat too much my parents tell me 'don't eat a lot, you'll get fat and also start exercising too since we have a treadmill'. When my parents mention my appearence or my weight I get fustrated and angry and I don't talk to them for a while, I guess it like, the silent treatment aye? Haha.. I already hate my weight and my appearence enough, it just makes it worst. And to top it they compare me to my cousin, Gabriella who does everything perfectly plus she gorgeous. Ahh that's why I despise reality and the real world and some other things as well. That's why ya know dreams and fantasies are better than this brutal world :). A world where you could think of many possibilities and endless amounts of fantasies. But if I can't dream then I do stuff to take my mind off it. I would watch korean dramas, animes, watch YouTube and stuff. If I get into a thought of this brutal realitytoo much, tears flow out of me like a river. I would remember me crying so much my face would become so red that I didn't want my parents to see so I would constantly hide under the blanket and cry myself to sleep. Sad isn't it?.