Afraid to face the real world.

Change

So holidays are over and I have to go to school again. Urgh, so everyday I take the bus to school and from school and everyday I see different types of people and I can't help realise that I feel jealous of what they had. Like their hair or their thin arms or their long eyelashes. I envied them really much, when you sit on the bus or it kinda depends where you're sitting but for instance I sit sideways on the bus and I have music playing in my ears. I look straight ahead and I guess I just look at the person infront of me and I can't look anywhere else so if I look down it will look weird and if I look up I feel people staring at me and when I turn to the windows my neck hurts and if I look behind me that'd be creepy as hell. So I look straight ahead and I look at the person infront so I look at their features not in a creepy way though. Haha
Also there's this guy I kinda like and I caught him staring at my legs by the way they're pretty fat. But I don't know why and plus he's like 3 years older than me and I go on the bus and see him everyday but like nothing has changed we just bumped into each other once and like somehow we glance at each other and then our eyes meet and we turn away. Anyhow this year he's a senior and I'm still a junior so I guess its unrequited love. But basically I think I have zero chance at all.
So at school I always fix my hair and I always have things I worry about and I ask my friends for their opinion like 'does this look okay' or 'is my hair neat' something like that and I'm always self conscious. And I'm fat in my opinion. I'm 163 or something cm and I'm 54kg and my legs are fat and my face is chubby.
To be continued!