Lose Ourselves in Sunsets and Moonlights

Rust or Gold, You Decide

It was during the early days of November that the leaves finally began to change colors. From a deep, luscious green, it turned into honey-yellow, then russet orange, before finally becoming aged brown, ready to fall to the grown and be reborn into its next lifetime.

She was sitting on a bench pondering the wonders of life as she prepared for her next scenes when a tall figure appeared beside her. She looked up to see him grinning at her with his usual boyish charm, high cheekbones and a glimpse of his left dimple.

"What are you looking at so intently over here," he started, "Are the trees that interesting?"

He loved to tease her, she already knew that. From their first meeting, he'd shook her hand and told her, "Your acting skills are so great, I thought you'd be taller in person." She had flushed the deepest shade of red then laughed along with him. She wasn't exactly small, he just really towered over everyone else and he knew that.

"Hey, sunbae," she replied with a quick smile of her own, "I was just resting a bit for the next scene. Director-nim said we have to reshoot the one where I stay still because time stops."

She discreetly started massaging and stretching her slightly aching arms from holding up her hair in that scene. But he noticed anyway. Of course, he noticed. Those deep-set eyes seem to never miss anything nowadays.

She wondered if he'd always been like this, playful but always on guard, too. It wasn't to say that he was only pretending to be a light person who makes the mood on set, but more like behind the smile and the jokes, there's a quiet depth there. She also wondered whether anyone ever dared to swim further.

"Where does it hurt," he interrupted her reverie, "Do you want me to get you an ice pack or a heat pack?" Those dark eyebrows furrowed in concern. He always took care of his people, didn't matter to him how long he's known them, she noticed. Once he considered you a part of his team, whether in the work or personal setting, it stayed that way. He would go out of his way to make everyone comfortable, right down to the extras on set.

She just smiled up at him some more, "I'm okay, sunbae, don't worry."

The she decided to divert the topic and tease him back, "Where's your whip? I thought that thing was supposed to be glued to your hand or something."

It worked, he chuckled and pulled out the long, wooden stick out of his back pant pocket. "You mean this old thing?"

Then he did the most Un-Sunbaenim thing and lightly tapped the end of the riding crop on her shoulder first.

"Ya," she pretended to be offended, "Why are you hitting a girl?" But it was no use because the corners of her lips were already turning upwards.

"You're not a girl," he retorted, "You're a full-grown woman." He said it with just a tiny hint of reverence that she didn't know what to make of. She decided it was just her mind playing tricks on her, long hours of work and all that.

Then he did the damnest thing again. He lightly tapped the whip against her cheek. It was just a soft touch, barely a whisper. She wouldn't even have felt it had she not seen the long stick directly in front of her face. She startled then wrinkled her nose in mock distaste. Then, because it was as natural as breathing in the cold breeze around them, they both burst into laughter.

"I forget sometimes," he murmured after their giggles subsided.

"Forget what?"

"What if feels like to laugh," his voice was low, too low she had to strain her neck a little bit to hear him better, "Just because I want to, and not because I'm expected to."

She opened her mouth to answer but words seemed to evade her. She knew that was like, to be expected to smile, be pleasant, be cheerful, be kind, even when all she wanted to do was burn down something and then hide in her room forever. That was the biggest catch of being in the public's eye. She knew he was grateful for all the love he received, so was she, but he was only human, after all. It was okay to be exhausted sometimes.

So she looked up at him and did what she does best, make those melancholic eyes come alive again. "Hey, wanna see who will win against a whip fight with Do Hwan-a? I bet we can borrow an extra stick from the prop team."

He laughed a deep, rumbling laugh, one that comes from the belly and makes it way upward into your throat, making it constrict with unbridled happiness until it comes out of your mouth in a smile so wide, suddenly the sun is ashamed of how it lacks in comparison to this bright, pure, shining glory of basking in warmth and joy.

And that was how they prepared for their next scene. Walking side by side to their unsuspecting namdongsaeng, a slight skip in their step and the ever-present tension present in the line that they both knew it was only a matter of time before one or both of them crossed.

The leaves kept falling around them, seemingly defying gravity in their slow descent. The fall after spring always seemed like a time for goodbye, a time of letting go. Now, though? It seemed like the perfect time for rebirth. Endings or beginnings, who knew. Rust or gold, they decide.