I grow nervous as we near the apartment, knowing Timothèe is going to be pissed. When we pull up, I'm twisting my fingers and trying to steady my breathing.
"Fucking stop Anya. There's no reason to be scared."
"I don't want him to get mad." I whimper.
"That's healthy." He mutters as he gets out of the car. I roll my eyes and get out as well.
I walk upstairs and unlock the apartment door. Timothèe is sitting on the couch. His eyes are half closed and I can tell he drank. He gets up as soon as he see's me, grabs my wrist, drags me to the room and slams the door shut.
"What the fuck, Anya?" He closes his eyes and puts his hand on his forehead.
I can't help the tears that escape my eyes. "I-I-I I didn't text anybody I couldn't nothing happened..."
"How did Noah know to show up then?!" He screams and I take a step back.
"Please stop..."
"Answer my fucking question, Anya!" He shouts.
"I don't know!" I sob.
"Fucking liar." He slurs. He paces around the room and punches the wall, leaving a hole.
"Why are you so angry?" I ask quietly.
"Are you fucking retarded?!" He looks at me, angrier than I've ever seen him. "I-I show up to the school, and-and Noah is walking you to his car with this arm around you and I'm wondering when the fuck I got cut out of the fucking circle!"
"What did you show up for?"
"I had a bad fucking feeling," He motions between him and I. "See, see. We-we have that connection I felt it in my fucking bones that something was going to happen. But you were just prancing around with Noah, the guy who fucking raped you. I- fuck this." He grabs his keys and storms out. I don't know what to do or say. I stand there, my legs trembling. I sit on the bed, my eyes watering. The front door slams and Noah comes walking in.
"Hey, are you okay?" He stands in front of me.
"Do you know where he went?" I look up at him and wipe the tears from my eyes.
"No." He sits down.
"Why did you come to the school?" I ask.
"I was bringing you your precalc textbook." He says. "And I saw you and him talking on the side of the school so I stepped in." He shrugs. "And I don't regret it. Something may have happened if I hadn't come regardless if Tim was coming. His drunk, overprotective ass had no reason to get mad, and who knows what the fuck he's out doing right now?"
I shrug. Noah is making me feel a little bit better. I don't know whats gotten into Timothèe, but thats not my Timothèe.
"Lets go get some food, yea?" Noah grabs my wrist gently. Out of impulse I wrench it from his grasp and he looks down at me, his tongue in his cheek. He raises his eyebrows. "Well?"
I wipe my eyes and smile. "Sure. I want Wendys."
"Done," He chuckles. "We can eat and hit the pen if you want."
I nod and put my glasses on. We leave the apartment and get into the car. I try not to think about what Timothèe could be doing. Why is Adam never home anymore? Maybe he's with Adam. Maybe Adam is with Avery? I roll the window down and the warm wind blows through my hair.
"Hey," Noah says.
"Yes?" I look at him. He isn't looking at me.
"I'm really sorry for what I did," He furrows his eyebrows as if he's contemplating something. "At the time it seemed right. And I can't explain to you how much I hate myself for it. Shit weighs on me every single day. I'm a fucked up person. I hurt you because Marc greased my palm and..." He stops and shrugs. I look at him, staring at the road, sunlight illuminating his mess of curly hair and I can tell he means what he says. And suddenly, I don't feel as scared anymore.
"It's okay." I smile and put my hand on his shoulder. He puts his hand on top of mine quickly and then removes it. I withdraw my hand and gaze at him for a second, then avert my eyes as we pull in to the Wendy's drive thru.
"Oh, oh. Baconator." I lean over him. "Large, don't skimp I'm paying."
He looks at me. "No, you're not what the fuck? I offered. If you want a large you shall have a large."
I lean back in my seat and look at him with my mouth open. "Wow look at the heartless prick being nice."
He rolls his eyes. "Bitch."
He orders our food and we drive home. Part of me hopes Timothèe isn't home.
We get into the apartment and Adam is on the couch.
"Oh, hey." I greet. "Where's Timothèe?"
"I don't know, I thought he was with you. Who is this?" He gets up.
"Noah. I thought Timothèe told you he moved in with us, because he helped us out. He's paying for his own shit and everything-"
"Relax, Anya," Adam shakes Noahs free hand. "What's up, man?"
"Not much," Noah replies. "But we're going to go eat this in my room since you're busy out here. Don't worry we're not going to do anything."
Adam chuckles and sits back down. "You're good."
A part of me is uncomfortable going to Noahs room with him, and another part of me is okay with it. He wouldn't hurt me again?
Once we get in I notice its mostly clean. Bare, if anything. I sit on his bed and start to unwrap my burger, taking a big bite. I automatically feel better. He turns Lil Peep on, who I don't listen to but it's peaceful. I look at him as he eats, no facial expression. He never looks like he's feeling anything. He's always angry.
"Never would have pegged you as a Peep guy." I wipe mayo off my mouth.
He shrugs. "Peaceful."
I nod and continue eating. I finish long before he does, and lay down, rubbing my belly.
"Holy shit, I'm so full." I groan.
He laughs. "Do you feel better?"
I look at him and smile. "I do, thank you." I grab his pen off the night stand and hit it, laying back and tossing it across the bed at him. By now it's dark out and Timothèe hasn't texted me. I try not to think about it.
Noah finishes eating and lays back beside me. I hit his pen again and at this point I'm too high to worry about how close he's laying to me. It's almost comforting.
"Why did you do what you did?" I ask. I almost forgot what I asked before he answers. Holy shit, I'm high.
"Marc had been watching you everywhere you went. He watched you because he watched Tim. He'd been out of prison for a while. When i got off work one night he offered me a shit ton of money, which I couldn't refuse. I don't have shit in life. And I was already pissed at you for ditching me for Tim, so I figured why not. And as far as the other thing... I don't know. It's hard living with such a shitty thing." He hits his pen again.
"It's okay." I reply staring at the ceiling.
"It's not," He sighs. "But I'll make it up to you. Things have been really shitty around here. But they will get better."
I look at him and smile. He looks at me and I know something is about to happen. I can feel it...
He gets up in his side and leans down.
"Are you okay?" He whispers. My breath catches in my throat and that familiar sting in my chest arises. I only ever felt that with Timothèe.
I hesitate. My thoughts are filled with colorful images from somewhere I didn't know existed. I'm in another world with Noah. And because it's our world nobody will ever find out.
"Yes." I breathe. He looks at me and bites his bottom lip, than leans down and plants a kiss on my lips. I open my eyes and look at him, confused.
"What?" He chuckles.
I smile. "Come here." I put my hand on his neck and pull him towards me.
Suddenly there's a banging on the door and I almost piss myself. My ankles are shaky and I feel like I was woken up from the best dream and brought back to reality.
I open the door.
"Tim's about to be home." He tells me.
"That's great. I'm high as shit. I'm going to bed." I push past him and make my way to our room. I close the door and stare at the bed, where we sleep, where we argue. I take my clothes off and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark. My body feels like static. I hear the front door open and pretend to be asleep. I hear a girl laughing and automatically my eyes open. I sit up in bed and watch as Timothèe bursts into the room with a girl behind him. He looks at me and his smile disappears.
The breath leaves my lungs. I bend over, ready to throw up but nothing comes out. My throat tightens up as I get out of bed, not saying anything. I put my slippers on, slip my glasses on, and walk out of the room, closing the door.
Being high and in this much pain, I shake my head and walk into Noahs room.
"He brought..." I take a deep breath to avoid crying. "A uh, another girl home and..." I break down crying so hard that I don't make a sound. Noah gets up and pulls me into his arms.
"Let's go to the lake." He says into my hair. "You, me, Adam..."
"Avery." I sob.
"Yes." He chuckles.
I call Avery and tell her what happened and tell her we're going to the lake, she asks in the middle of the night? I tell her it's urgent and Adams going.
Timothèe doesn't even come out so I'm guessing he just doesn't care.
When Avery gets there I hug her and cry into her perfect hair. She tells me Timothèe is a fucking dick and that I would be better off with Noah. I try not to think about the prospect of that too much, and we leave. We take separate cars and Noah tells Adam to follow us. In the car I ask for the AUX cord and play Party in the USA, which lifts my spirits a lot.
When we get to the lake, Avery and Adam automatically jump in, but I take my time taking my clothes off and walking into the water. It feels amazing and I lay back and float on top of the water. I close my eyes. Tonight has been such a roller coaster. After everything, I'm not sure if Timothèe loves me anymore. He could never get drunk or high enough to bring another girl into our home...
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by hands sliding up my waist and pulling me up. I gasp.
"Noah! Avery and Adam will see." I exclaim.
"They're distracted." He whispers into my ear. I wrap my arms around his neck and look at him in his eyes. He snakes his hands down my back and pokes my ass.
"Big booty." He smiles. I laugh.
Maybe it's time Timothèe and I move along.
I wake up in the morning in Noahs bed. He's already awake and leans over and kisses me.
"What the fuck?" I scramble out of the bed.
"What?" He looks shocked.
"Why am I in your bed...?" I move a piece of hair out of my face.
"Holy shit, do you not remember last night?" He asks.
My heart rate automatically spikes and I clear my throat. "What happened last night?"
"Are you fucking serious, Anya?" He gets out of bed and pulls some sweatpants on. "You consented. Just know that. You consented."
Shivers roll down my body. We didn't... I couldn't have been that high.
"I consented to what?"
"Holy fuck, Anya!" He exclaims. "We had sex!"
I feel nauseous. After everything Timothèe and I have been through... and I did this to him. After he saved me. But he did bring a girl home last night... And he was the that got me into that situation. I run out of the room and open the door to our room.
Timothèe is sitting on the bed, rolling up the sleeves of a flannel. Based on his expression he already knows.
"What did you consent to, Lilianya?" He asks without looking at me. He called me by my full name...
I automatically start crying. I'm going to lose him. I can't lose him. "I'm sorry." I sob.
He whips his head to look at me. "You're sorry?"
I continue crying, not knowing what to say.
"A couple days ago, you were scared of Noah." He points towards Noahs room. "And just last night you fucked him."
I look at him, remembering the girl. "And who the fuck was that you brought home?" I snap.
"That chick? Saorise's friend. We went out and drank and she got shit faced and couldn't go home. And since Saorise couldn't take her home, she asked if I could. I slept on the floor she slept in the bed. And you would have known that if you were on Noahs dick all night!" He's screaming now, his eyes watering. My throat tightens up, and I feel like I can't breathe.
"You think I would hurt you like that?" He yells. "I-I fucking love you. After all the shit we've been through, you think I would hurt you. You're... fuck you." He paces around the room. "Fucking stupid." He mumbles. He sinks to the floor and pulls his knees to his chest, and starts crying. I've never seen him cry. My hearts breaking. How are we going to go back to where we were? I sit down next to him and put my hand on his back.
"Don't fucking touch me. Get the fuck away from me." He snaps and I flinch. I suddenly remember that I have to go to school, and I pull on some clothes and grab my backpack. I ask Adam to drive me to school, and he says yes, probably already knowing what happened between Noah and I. We don't talk much in the car, and when we get to school, I shuffle to my first period, knowing I'm not going to pay attention at all.
The classes go by painfully slow, and after third period I'm standing at my locker grabbing a book when Avery approaches me.
"I heard what happened with Tim." She frowns, and this is the first time I've seen her look so upset.
"I'm gonna cry," I swallow. "I feel like shit."
"I know you do, honey." She gives me a small smile. "Adam and I both do. Things suck right now."
"I know they do."
"I think you and Tim will figure things out. After all you have been through, there's just no way you won't, yknow? It might take a while..." She trails off.
"Thanks, Ave." I give her a hug and then walk to my next class.
In the middle of Mr. Beamer explaining the political ideologies in America, he gets a call.
"Lilianya, you're going home." He tells me and waves me out of my seat. Confused, I pack my notebook and textbook up and walk out, waving. I have no clue why I could be getting picked up, or who could be picking me up.
I near the office and see Noah standing in there, and suddenly I have a dreadful feeling as to why he's here.
I walk in. "Hi." I breathe. He grabs my wrist and pulls me out of the building. "What's going on?" I ask.
"I don't want to talk about it right now, just relax." He responds, not looking at me. I get in the front seat of his car and as soon as he gets in we pull off.
"Please, Noah. You're stressing me the fuck out." I grip the car handle.
"Shut the fuck up!" He yells. Everybody hates me. I don't know why he picked me up, and I can't help but feel anxious to the point of nausea. Did Timothèe bring another girl home? Did he throw my shit out?
As soon as we pull into the parking lot, I climb out of the car and go running up towards the door, not bothering to grab my stuff.
When I get inside, none of my stuff is out, there doesn't seem to be any girl here- there doesn't seem to be anybody here. The apartment is cold.
"Timothèe?" I call out. No answer. I storm into our room, and my blood runs cold.
Timothèe lays on the floor, pale and lifeless.
