Fire in My Soul

Chapter 2: Unfinished talks

The ambulance was pulled inside the hospital. They took both my father and my mother on a separate stretcher. My Sophie mam also came on the ambulance with me. I remember the doctors declaring my mother "dead" but how can you expect a 5 year old know what being dead means?

My father was lying on the stretcher outside ICU. Since it was a case of major accident, I remember Sophie maam screaming at the doctors outside to take my father to the ICU while the doctors were waiting for the police to arrive. Since it was a case of accident, the doctor don't proceed the treatment before the police officials arrive to confirm the case. I remember being there holding the hands of my father and slowly trying to call him in a hope that he would open his eyes. Just when i tried to look into the direction of Sophie maam talking to the doctors, I felt a slight movement of my father's fingers. I tried to look into his eyes. His eyes was slightly opened and he moved closer to my direction as if he wanted to say something. I immediately tried to pull my ears towards his mouth to listen. He already saw mom before passing out in the car. He kissed in my cheeks and he began to talk with a faint voice....

"Baby. My little fairy. Your mom is now the brightest star that you can see in the sky. Now daddy also has to leave this world because your mommy is missing me up there. From now on you'll have to be strong enough to look after yourself my little angel. I love you very much and I will continue to love you always."

"But daddy I don't want you to..."

" Listen me up baby, daddy don't have enough time left with him. You have given me a lot of happiness as being my only daughter. Please work hard in your studies and do well in your exams. I know how much you love to go to the events and seeing those decorations adds extra brightness to your eyes. I hope one day you'll be a successful event planner and be happy. Remember, mommy and daddy is always watching you from above to make sure you grow up rightly to be a good girl. Please make Us proud of you always. R-Remember that... you'll make mistakes too but try to learn from them and be a bettt-better personnn....."

"Daddy... Daddy wake up.... Daddy.... I'll be a good person dadddyyyy.... Please wake up daddy"

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*Sophie Maam's House*
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Maam took off my fairy wings which was pulled together with a robe. She undid my zip, changed my white fairy dress which is now half filled with my mother's and father's blood into a white plain frock she had of her daughter. Since i was the only child of my father, she is supposed to take me to the funeral of my mother and father. Now is the time to bring the bodies in their home and perform some rites. In our religion, the dead body is brought to the shamshan for antim sanskar(last rites) and son/younger male family members are allowed to lit up the pyre of the dead.

Our relatives arrived 5 hours later my daddy and mommy were brought to the house. My grandma was mourning near my father's lifeless body lying there. Pale. White hairs scattered all over her face and her shoulders. My uncles were near my mother's body. Everyone in the house were crying and hugging me. Just by looking at everyone crying like that made me feel more scared. To be honest, I never liked my relatives because they used to treat me differently when my mom and dad weren't around.

I was with Sophie maam the entire time. Too scared to talk to people. Too scared to even look up. Just by seeing my mother and father lying there like a lifeless doll made me feel a strong emotion which i couldn't speak of or let out of my system. All I could think of was what my father last said.

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14 days later
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All my relatives were ready to go after finishing the ritual which is held after 14 days. But nobody even asked me to come with them to their place. Actually nobody was willing to take me with them. My grandma looked into my teary eyes and suddenly her eyes turned red with anger.

"I don't care what you're saying but I won't leave this little baby here on her own. I didn't raised you to be this inhuman." granny said.

"Do you know how much will it cost me for her food and education?", Uncle said what I already expected.

"You're talking about the food? Can you just look at her face? How much will she eat?"

"Its not just about the food only mother, she might hamper the mindset of our children"

"What? What are you even saying? Hamper their mindset?", granny said and just when she finished saying this line, she started to cough vigorously. Her health was detoriating.

Granny was immediately taken in a rush to the nearby hospital.

My aunts at home started to blame me for my Granny's health.

"You're a disgrace and bad omen for our family. See? Just by talking about you your granny fell ill."

"But aunty I..." I was about to say when i was stopped in between.

"You ate your own parent's life up and now you're after your granny. Stop killing all of us."

"Aunty I didn't..."

Interrupting me again she said, "We'll leave from here right now before you kill us too. Jayesh, Lalita, go and quickly pack your bags. Don't look at her eyes otherwise you'll also fell ill".

"Aunty please don't leave me alone. I am afraid of the dark. Please aunty take me too", as I spoke to her in a soft and low voice, tears came rolling down my eyes.

"Not in this lifetime", she said. She pushed me so hard that i fell with a thud in the floor. She walked passed me to pack her bags and belongings.

I walked down the pale corridor into my room. My room is basically a wooden desk, window seat and big wooden bed full of those teddies I used to collect from different stores. Just by looking at those teddy bears i started to remember how I used to force my dad into buying every other bear I used to come across. My eyes were dried out of those tears which were continuously flowing from the past few days.

I walk over to my window seat and looked through the stained glass window peeping out of the curtains. All i could see was light into the dark room. A ray of hope for me probably.

I sat in my desk, watched my reflection in the mirror on the other side. My soaked black hair falling over my shoulders, my bright brown eyes staring intently right back at me. I take in the silence around me for a little longer before standing up and walking to my wardobe through the door at the opposite side of the room. Memories came flashing right before my eyes. The happy ones.

After walking down some stairs of my rather medium two storey wooden house that my father built, I reach the kitchen. I walk in to find my cousins and ignoring their glares, I grabbed an apple and step out of the house without any fear of being lost. I don't know what came over me at that moment where I can only think of one person to be with.

Just when I looked through my watery eyelashes standing outside the gate, I spotted a woman wearing pink salwar with white leggings and white dupatta studded with beads which was shining brightly under the sunlight. Her hairs were braided and tugged exactly to the point which I am familiar with. Its Mommy...

The chilly breeze was hitting me like a ton of pebbles. I was breathing it in, feeling those breeze travel through my body. I ran towards her direction. I hugged her from behind whispering, "Mommy! I've been so scared".

"Hey little angel, I'm sorry to say but I'm not your mommy", she spoke

I looked up into her face. I've mistaken her to be my mom. I couldn't hold onto my tears anymore. I could feel the agony of the tears building up inside me. And just when I was about to turn away from her, she said, "But I know where she could be. Do you want to meet her now?", she said with a smile forming on her miraculously beautiful face.

I nodded.

"She was asking me to take you there to talk to her. Come-on. Hold my fingers. I'll take you there."

Rubbing my eyes with my little fingers, I said "Okay."