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"DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!"
"Enlighten me."
"Fuck you!"
My legs were free. Mustering the remaining strength I had left, I used all brute force to kick him in the face.
He skillfully swerved me, his hands finding their way to my neck. F...
"She is a flower, But she isn't soft; When her petals fall, They hit like bullets." -Unknown
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Words hurt.
Despite growing accustomed to the insults and abuse thrown at me from the moment I existed, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.
Adding another scar to an already broken heart. The tears have dried up and my body has failed to produce more.
Used to crying myself to sleep, asking the Man above why I existed if my life was meaningless.
But now, the feelings of pain gave way to numbness. Leaving no questions left to ask.
The pain is gone. My heart doesn't hurt how it used to. The stinging ache to it is now just deadened.
There's a Russian saying that Olga always used to tell me when I was younger. "A glow stick has to break before it glows."
Now that I'm older; more mature and no longer living the false fantasy of flowers and rainbows, I know that I've been broken for years. And there's nothing about me that's glowing.
I'm not the supposed daughter of the Pakhan. I'm just useless in his eyes. No leader. No heir. Nothing.
Instead, I waste my time doing the simple work of checking storages and what not, whilst occasionally being a freelance hitman.
Killing bastards for my own sanity.
I don't want any child or woman to grow up feeling worthless or dehumanized like I did.
They can call me whatever. But the look of freedom and liberty on a child's face makes it all worth it.
It fills the empty hole in my heart. Giving me that momentary pause of relishing the happiness seen in someone else, being able to say that, 'I am the one who caused that.'
Overall. All that this has taught me is that he doesn't give a fuck about me.
So I'm done playing nice.
To him. To Dimitri.
Hell, I'm done being nice to myself. He can tell me to do whatever the fuck he wants, I will take it on the chin just to prove my reverence.
Because nothing could hurt me more then what I had to live through for over 19 years.
