People call me Ty, but my real name is Tyneisha. Statesboro High is just like any other high school. We have our popular kids, nerds, gothic's, lames, drug users, & of course, the hoes, which my friends fell into, but hey ,there my girls. My mom said, "The more you hang with the wrong crowd, the more you start acting like them." Back then, I didn't believe her. "I can hang with whoever I want to, right?" But Now It's a whole different story. Maybe if I'd believed her then, I wouldn't be in the predicament that I'm in now.
I use to live in New Jersey & had everything a girl could ask for. Money when I needed some, clothes when I got tired of the old, a new phone every month, & of course the best boyfriend a girl could ever have...
But the only reason I had all the materialistic things is because my dad worked... If you know what I mean. Yup, he sold drugs & I didn't mind, it was fast money & fast money paid the bills.
My dad's name is Antwan but known to the streets he goes by King & he runs all of New Jersey. Even in the New York, Chicago, Detroit, & Virginia areas knew about King. His crew was one of the baddest. They did a lil' bit of everything that dealt with getting money in return.
But even after all the stealing, killing, & prostitution, my dad's still not a bad person. He had a big heart & wanted to get back with Jesus, but was afraid, because he ain't talk to him in so long. But if he only knew that Jesus doesn't care when you come, just as long as you come.
My dad had trust issues. He was very private. He had only a select few in his gang & even so, not everyone knew everything. He was very strict of what he let me know. I was his little girl. He wanted the best for me. He always told me to be better than he was.
Shockingly, my dad wasn't always this way. He was a good boy growing up in the streets of Bridgeton, New Jersey. He was a very smart kid, But because he was being picked at for being so smart, he turn to guidance... attention from elsewhere, since he couldn't turn to his parents.
In his junior year in high school, he met a dude named Wiz, & they ended up being the best of friends. He started to smoke & drink, things he didn't do & eventually got him to join his gang. I say Wiz pressured my daddy, but dad says, "Shiiit, ain't no such thing as peer pressure, I did it cause I wanted to."
He briefly told me what he had to do for his initiation. He killed three innocent guys in a drive by. He said, "I wanted to be accepted so bad."
He met my mom a lil' bit after high school. Thugs were her type of guys back then. She liked the fact he was getting paid & had a rough edge to him. She liked guys who took control in what they wanted...
& for the most part he took control in his business.
He loved my mom, but was afraid to commit. I found out later that his- being- afraid- to- commit was because he wanted to protect her. Being in a gang was serious business, & he didn't want to put her through that.
They had me at a young age. They both were twenty. Back then people didn't stress about condoms as much as we do now. I was born on May 3, 1995 in Elisabeth, New Jersey & my dad named me. Ma always told me he use to hold me more than she did. I guess that's why I have such a tight bond with him. He spoiled me like it wasn't nothing & it wasn't.
When I got older he taught me the game. Told me what I needed to know about boys. "Boys will do anything to get into your pants," He'll say. I learned a lot from my dad. He never sugar coated anything. He always kept it real, even if it hurt my feelings...
& sometimes it did.
My mom was cool, but things like boys, sex, & the usual girl stuff, I couldn't talk to her about. She always thought I was too young to have a serious boyfriend. She thought it was going to lead to sex, which it did, but my boyfriend didn't have anything to do with it, the urges did. My mom & dad got married when I was ten. He promised her the world & that he was gone stop selling drugs & everything else the gang came with it...
Six years later, he still ain't gave it up, & I guess that's why my mom is so angry at him. "I can't wait to they lock ya ass up," She screams. "I didn't hear ya ass complaining when I was paying that rent," He screamed back.
My parents always argued. My mom pretended like she ain't care about him, but some nights, I can hear her crying. Their relationship was far from perfect but, shit, most ain't.
I guess the jewelry, the clothes, whatever she wanted wasn't good enough, but she never thought twice about divorcing him. Deep down inside she loved him & plus, he was the bread maker in the house.
She was the stay at home wife.
She knew if she divorced him, she wouldn't get nothing, because she had nothing before she met him, & that harsh reality was sinking into her.
My mom was scared for our life. The life he was in wasn't right for a daughter to be brought into, she thought. She wanted my dad to change more than he did. Changing his life wasn't no good because it was already gone. He was too far in the gang & wasn't no way out. He eventually lost hope, but deep down the lifestyle he was in...
He wanted.
She had to learn that it's impossible to change someone who didn't want to change themselves.
My dad always said, "To never trust anyone because in the end they will all turn on you. In your life time, you'll be happy to find that one true friend."
His advice is what made me who I am today. I'm proud to say he's my dad. He was always there for me & I came first before his gang.
ALWAYS & NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remembering the day he got locked up is hard to forget...
