hold me longer .. please? || kagehina

getting an answer • 1

⚠️TW: slurs,slight homophobia, self-harming

***

darkness. pure darkness. patches of light could be seen. suddenly, he could see objects. very familiar objects. hinata looked around, all he could see was that he was in the karasuno gym. '' guys? '' he yelled out. all he could feel was fear and confusion. he tried to calm himself with slow, deep breathes. 

nothing was working. he tried to assess the situation by standing up and walking around. he started touching the walls, floor and stage where the curtains were. then he decided to sit back down and waited for everything to be over.

in that period of time, he started to think of all the harsh possible situations that he could think of. he brought his knees close to his chest and started rocking himself back and forth. unexpectedly both sides of the door opened.

''guys!'' hinata exclaimed eagerly, excited to see his best friends. '' i was wondering where you guys were, i was worried you- '' he was suddenly cut off by a snarky laugh '' look at the little faggot. he was wondering for us- '' 

tsukishima cut himself off with loud laughter, clutching his stomach, practically wheezing at this point. hinata felt horrified.

his own teammate ... laughing at his sexuality? he could feel tears threatening to fall. he heard a snicker, from yamaguchi. the most sweetest person ever, laughing at him aswell. 

it reminded him of when they first met and tsukishima called him short. so many thoughts were running through his head. why was this happening to him. 

what did he do? abruptly he heard another voice speak up.

''you know hinata'' he snapped his head around. ''we only use you because you will guarantee success for the rest of us '' his eyes widened. sugawara. theres no way .. right? i mean, he was the ''perfect decoy''

his mouth opened, trying to find the right words, but no words would come out. ''no one cares about you ' hinata closed his eyes and held his head in his hands. '' you're only good for the team ' hinata wanted it to all end. '' just give up already '' he just wanted to be left alone. ''hinata. '' In a flash, the voices stopped. ''he opened his eyes to find kageyama. '''you should just end it all. ''

-

hinata sat up in a fright. covered in sweat. his heart was beating at a rapid pace. he was in pure shock. ''just ... a dream?'' he layed back down, arms spread out. he couldn't help but think of what just happened. it suddenly clicked. a nightmare. 

he felt his arms itching, craving for something to help numb the pain he was feeling mentally. he tried looking around, his eyes landed on the clock, on his bedside. 3:45 AM it read.

he was sure his little sister and his mother would be asleep. It was either now or never. he secretly tip-toed to the bathroom. as he stepped foot into the bathroom, the fragile boy closed the door and locked it.

his eyes landed on the drawer in front of him. shaky hands made his way to the handle and opened it. what he saw were bandages and multiple razor blades. his hands trembled as he picked it up.

 the ball of what was once sunshine became and ball of rain and anxiety. gradually, the tip of the blade reached his forearm.

taking a deep breath in he dug the blade deeper and dragging it closer to his body. when the skin opened up, blood started pouring out. he stared at it in relief. he found some sort of comfort cutting his skin.