I have an obsession with things that cant fair on their own. I like... I love being needed and I take every chance I can to be needed by someone or something. My mom says it's maternal instinct I say its child hood trauma.
I live in the woods and we have wood rats and field mice all around the property theyre as common as rabbits and possums. One of my dogs brought in a baby wood rat he wasnt hurt but in shock. Ive seen what shock does to animals so I knew if I could get him through 24 hours he would live and I would be able to put him back into the wild across the road in the denser forest. I put him in a big jar and covered it with a coffee filter and string. At one point he stopped responding when I tapped him gently with a pen so I took him out and he woke up and crawled around my hand and snuggled into my fingers. He wasnt scared of me he could tell I only wanted to help. Selfishly as always. I wanted him healthy so I could feel the happiness. Before I had gotten him I had taken two sleeping pills at about seven at night. I stayed up until 3 filling him with bread and meat and water. He loved to snuggle he hated being apart. At 3 I put him in his jar covered it I put it next to the lamp I used for my chick for warmth and covered him amd his jar. I set an alarm 5 hours he could survive five hours without me.
I woke up before my alarm everything was silent. I went to his jar and he wouldnt wake up i took him out and he was cold and limp. I tried to warm him and even gave him mouse cpr which I had learned the night before so I could be prepared. He staryed breathing again. He couldnt get up tho he couldnt move to his favorite spot on my leg. So I pet him and I kept him warm and then I had to give him cpr again. He was no longer dying of shock he was dying from the cold.
Then straight out of one of my most traumatic experience the stupid baby wood rat started seizing and biting at the air just like my dog Buddy. Buddy died of a heart stroke I tried my best to save him home alone at 12. The mouse was going to freeze to death.
I gave up on an innocent life that I worked so hard to save.
I took him out past the creek and laid him on some leaves in the sun amd left him to die in peace.
I didnt check to see if his dead body was there or if he was eaten or survived but my sister says he wasnt there anymore when she checked.
I gave up on a life.
