Pieces

A Waiting Game

"It's a waiting game now" she said with serene.

" It's either she dies on the table or on the bed". She gripped the tissue with unease, her father standing beside her while she held back her tears.

"Her fever isn't going back down, and at this rate if her fever doesn't come down it is worrying" the doctor explained with unnerving ease.

The smell of death radiated off of him, seemingly acting like the grim reaper's messenger.

The words drifted into my ears, settling in me along with dread. I looked around, relatives huddling at the nurse's table seemingly unaware of what has been said.

Language barrier. A blessing in disguise I thought to myself. The look of hope present in the eyes of those staring at her. Not knowing what was said. While I held my breath, praying that I would keep it together.

I looked up,  stared at the once kind and caring person who was now a pile of rag and bones laying on the bed, comatose.

She was always there for me. Be it during awkward social gatherings or a ride to a party. She was there, just a call away. Now there she lays, a code away from death.

I teared up, looking around for answers. Humans walked up to me, pushing me towards the body on the bed.

"Faster, touch her hands, tell her you are here. Ask her to wake up soon". The human rushed me. I looked blankly at familiar figure. Deep down, I knew that even if I created trouble for my parents, she still wouldn't wake up to lecture me.

Still I did it, trying to appease the human violently shaking me. I held her cold and rigid hand, it was foreign to me. Her touch was always warm and comforting. I looked down at the medical chart.

"Intensive Care Unit"

"Cause of Injury : Fall on the head, blood clot in her brain"

I stumbled back, tears spilling out of my eyes, I took a weak breath. 

Memories flashed past my mind, I was the cause of her comatose state.

I was supposed to be with her, following her around when she was working. But I didn't. And she was in the state because of me.

Humans rushed towards me, comforting me that it was going to be okay, that this was just a temporary state. 

They asked me why was I crying, I gritted my teeth and lied " It's a sad sight to watch" when deep down I felt like I was the cause.

My dad walked up to me, made jokes about how she wouldn't go yet, that she wanted to see me before her last breath as I was her favorite niece.

My dad then mentioned "eh, Australia uncle havent come yet, she will tahan for him".

I left to dry up my tear stricken face and was whisked away by the humans who never saw me cry. They gave me hugs and tried to joke around, it was the first time they saw me cry.

I never cried around them.

It felt shameful to me. It made me vulnerable. I hated it. I hated every goddamn moment. It disgust me to show that I was weak in front of them.

But...

But somehow this hit me hard. Shook me to my core. I couldn't help but be weak.

They dragged me to the food court. Laughing and gossiping. I threw shots of despise, how could they still laugh and eat at the food court while the person on the bed could take her last breath at any moment.